Famous quotes
Quotes by famous people, credited to who said them. Your own quotes must not match any of these. More are added all the time. 1,158,269 quotes Who coined it · How we decide
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“...the huge church [...] was thundering its gospel under her eyes.To have Niagara for a rival is no joke. Hazard spoke with no such authority; and Esther's next idea was one of wonder how, after listening here, any preacher could have the confidence to preach again. "What do they know about it?" she asked herself. "Which of them can tell a story like this, or a millionth part of it?”
Henry Adams (1838–1918) said by 1918 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Beating up Jews (by Jew I mean anyone with a Jew for a grandparent, even one!) won’t help, I’m sure, that’s just going around in circles, it’s a joke, you’re only beating around the bush if you don’t grab them by the strings [tefillins], if you don’t strangle them with them.”
Louis-Ferdinand Céline (1894–1961) said by 1961 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Cited in Wyatt Mason "Uncovering Céline" The New York Review of Books (14 January 2010).
“In the midst of that dark and hopeless moment, the Pop Tart suddenly appeared in the supermarket! And we just stared at it like [it was] an alien spacecraft and we were like... chimps in the dirt playing with sticks." [...] What makes that joke is you get "chimps", "dirt", "playing", and "sticks". In seven words, four of them are funny!”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The pitch for [Seinfeld], the real pitch, when Larry and I went to NBC in 1988, was we want to show how a comedian gets his material. The show about nothing was just a joke in an episode many years later, and Larry and I to this day are surprised that it caught on as a way that people describe the show, because to us it's the opposite of that.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I would say that I am 90% serious in my day. Comedy is no joke.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There is a similar kind of feel for rhythm and tone in comedy as there is in music, I think. You have to, you know, words - you use words in the same careful way in a song that you use them in a joke. Having just the right word in just the right place seems to make it work.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I like all jokes. Okay? That's what I do; that's what I live for. There's really nothing else I care about, than jokes. And I don't really care who the victim is or who has-- whose feelings have to be hurt. If it's a good joke, I'm into it.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Audiences love to hear about something very stupid. Y'know? But I impose kind of an-- a very rigorous intellect to it. It's kind of philosophical, that joke about the-- y'know, "If it was really donut holes, the bag would be empty.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There's absolutely no difference between the greatest painting ever made and a joke. It's just something someone invented that someone else likes! That's art. And it has no reason to exist, except its own virtue.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A lot of comedy sounds like you're driving to a point of logic or perspective, and you're really just setting up a joke!”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I like the brutality of stand-up and the simple, boiled-down "it either lives or dies" of a joke.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A great joke and a great car: everything on it works. And there's nothing excessive that doesn't make sense or doesn't need to be there. [...] To me, the Speedster and a great piece of comedy are identical: they're perfectly minimalized ideas.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A joke is a miracle.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A real artist -- a real artist -- does what they want to do. And that-- and I'm not talking about being indulgent; I'm talking about "That joke is good enough -- for me -- to make my set-- to be in my set.”
Jerry Seinfeld (born 1954) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Is feeling nothing the inevitable result of believing in nothing? ...I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.”
Douglas Coupland (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Have you considered the option of getting the joke? If not, try it now and redeem your soul.”
Erik Naggum (1965–2009) said by 2009 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.”
Gloria Steinem (1934–2026) first seen 1971 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Sisterhood" in New York (20 December 1971), p. 49
“I've often started off with a lawyer joke, a complete caricature of a lawyer who's been nasty, greedy, and unethical. But I've stopped that practice. I gradually realized that the lawyers in the audience didn't think the jokes were funny and the non-lawyers didn't know they were jokes.”
William Rehnquist (1924–2005) first seen 1997 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: 1997 speech at University of Virginia Law School, as quoted in Marc Galanter, Lowering the Bar: Lawyer Jokes and Legal Culture (2006), p. 3.
“I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.”
Jim Gaffigan (born 1966) first seen 2007 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Michael McIntyre (February 9, 2007) "He's bringing home the bacon, from clubs to Super Bowl ads", The Plain Dealer, p. 30.
“People don't know who I am. Some people don't know I do standup. They just write that I'm that guy from those failed sitcoms. I always joke that 'I've never heard of me either.'”
Jim Gaffigan (born 1966) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Kyle O'Brien (March 3, 2006) "Comic Gaffigan's one Hot star", The Oregonian, p. 43.
“He had an ego so big the joke around the Bureau was 'We gave Buck a zip code but he wanted an area code.”
Danny Coulson (born 1941) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Somebody muffed it?? Somebody wanted to joke.”
Gwendolyn Brooks (1917–2000) said by 2000 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The world is rapidly getting 'Ahmadinejadized,' if I'm allowed to make a joke.”
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (born 1956) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Comment (20 November 2006), as cited in [http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/HL01Ak03.html
“A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers.”
John Edensor Littlewood (1885–1977) said by 1977 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The days and weeks of screwed-up smiles and laboured courtesy, the mock geniality, the hearty shake of the filthy hand, the chuckling reply that must be made to the coarse joke, the loathsome, choking compliment that must be paid to the grimy wife and sluttish daughter, the indispensable flattery of the vilest religious prejudices, the wholesale deglutition of hypocritical pledges.”
Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, 3rd Marquess of Salisbury (1830–1903) first seen 1859 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On canvassing for election; 'The Faction-Fights', Bentley's Quarterly Review, vol. II (March & July 1859), p. 355
“The role of the manager is overrated, anyhow. Look at Stengel. When he was with the Yankees, loaded with material, he was a winner. When he played video games with the Mets, he finished last. They voted Casey the greatest living manager. That's a lot of bull—a joke. The only thing a manager has to do is relate to the players. Who did Casey ever relate to? Nobody but himself.”
Jackie Robinson (1919–1972) first seen 1969 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "Jackie Robinson Calls Stengel Overrated Pilot: Attacks Managerial Color Line On Clinic Faculty Discrimination Alleged" by the Associated Press, in The Washington Post (October 25, 1969)
“I am all at once what Christ is, ' since he was what I am, and This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, ' patch, matchwood, immortal diamond, Is immortal diamond.”
Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–1889) said by 1889 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If you find you are not understanding my explanation for a joke, hit "F5" on your browser and the page will refresh and I will explain it again.”
Ryan North (born 1980) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't know that you can speak of shock … Nothing is too shocking for me. I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dirty joke and leaving out the punch line.”
Roman Polański (born 1933) first seen 1971 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Atlas magazine, Vol. 20 (1971), p. 56, and The Book of Hollywood Quotes (1979) by Gary Herman, p. 26
“I once played the chief part in a rather exciting business without ever once budging from London. And the joke of it was that the man who went out to look for adventure only saw a bit of the game, and I who sat in my chambers saw it all and pulled the strings. 'They also serve who only stand and wait,' you know.”
John Buchan (1875–1940) said by 1940 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[After having made an abortion joke] I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... (mimicking child's voice:) 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts...”
David Cross (born 1964) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Medicine is a very old joke, but it still goes on.”
André Maurois (1885–1967) said by 1967 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The repeat run of Fawlty Towers (BBC2) drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic of the Spectator is incapable of seeing the joke, which is that Basil Fawlty has the wrong temperament to be a hotel proprietor, just as some other people have the wrong temperament to be television critics.”
Clive James (1939–2019) said by 2019 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's so funny that people think I actually ran for President. I am maybe the most un-political person you're ever going to meet. When I put "Elected" out, it was definitely a satire ... "Alice Cooper for President" ... when everybody realized I was running against Nixon, you known, even on a joke level, I think I got a lot of write-in votes.”
Alice Cooper (born 1948) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Kingsnake podcast interview (26 May 2006)
“An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought.”
Mignon McLaughlin (1913–1983) said by 1983 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“This instrument is so easy, its a joke.”
Stewart Copeland (born 1952) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'd like to be remembered as someone who kept the comic novel going for another generation or so. I fear the comic novel is in retreat. A joke is by definition politically incorrect — it assumes a butt, and a certain superiority in the teller. The culture won't put up with that for much longer.”
Martin Amis (1949–2023) said by 2023 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What good are the passions? For sooner or later their sweet sickness ends when reason speaks up; And life, if surveyed with cold-blooded regard is stupid and empty — a joke.”
Mikhail Lermontov (1814–1841) first seen 1840 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Lonely and Sad" (1840)
“The wise man never heard a joke But living wisdom from it broke; The fool no wisdom ever learned But it in him to folly turned.”
Saadi (1210–1292) said by 1292 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Nooooooah. No, that was a big joke in the family. When I was 16, 17, I started drifting away from everything else and picking up a guitar, and it was like, "What are you doing? You can't sing and you can't play a guitar", right up to the day we got signed by Rough Trade. And then it was like, "Go on play us a song", whereas before it was, "Shut up, fucking racket.”
Pete Doherty (born 1979) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Guardian, November 2005
“It was his elbow. He landed on his elbow. I've just had a little joke with Andy. He went on and pulled off the best two headers of the game with an injured shoulder, arm, whatever it was.”
Phil Brown (footballer) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: 26-Dec-2005, Radio Derby
“We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.”
Stephen Colbert (born 1964) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Rolling Stone interview (31 October 2006)
“The first time Donald Trump was elected, he started as a joke and ended as a tragedy. This time, he starts as a tragedy. Who knows what he'll end as?”
Stephen Colbert (born 1964) first seen 2024 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Plunging Back Into The Trump Hole | VP Harris Concedes | We Know What's Coming (November 6, 2024) a YouTube video
“Well, that can happen. Memories can be implanted, even just through suggestion and constant repetition. And if a therapist augments that with hypnosis, really unshakable false memories can be created.” “But why on earth would a therapist do that?” Heather looked grim. “To quote an old Psych Department joke, there are many routes to mental health, but none so lucrative as Freudian analysis.”
Robert J. Sawyer (born 1960) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Athenodorus used to stroke his beard slowly and rhythmically as he talked, and told me once that it was this that made it grow so luxuriantly. He said that invisible seeds of fire streamed off from his fingers, which were food for the hairs. This was a typical Stoic joke at the expense of Epicurean speculative philosophy.”
Robert Graves (1895–1985) said by 1985 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“To joke in the face of danger is the supreme politeness, a delicate refusal to cast oneself as a tragic hero.”
Edmond Rostand (1868–1918) first seen 1903 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Speaking to the Académie française in 1903, as quoted by John Lahr in "Fighting and Writing" in The New Yorker (12 November 2007)
“I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist.”
Zach Galifianakis (born 1969) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Sometimes I order a beet salad, so when the waiter comes and lays down my salad I can say "thanks for laying down those funky beets". It's an expensive joke because I don't even like beets.”
Zach Galifianakis (born 1969) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“At the age of five I had become a skeptic and began to sense that any happiness that came my way might be the prelude to some grim cosmic joke.”
Russell Baker (1925–2019) said by 2019 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.”
Russell Baker (1925–2019) said by 2019 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source