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Will Rogers

74 quotes

“See they conducted experiments on convicts ... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail ... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there ... It would be a big aid to humanity, it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it ... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run ... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics ... Even the ministers are denouncing it now ... Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1922 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Nationally syndicated column number 31, A Few Shots of Scopolamin (15 July 1923), after meeting Robert E. House, who had proposed the use of scopolamine as a truth serum, in The Use of Scopolamine in Criminology (1922).
“Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1923 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Nationally syndicated column number 42, Blames All Ills on Earthquake (1923). This became a remark Rogers often used in his public appearances.
“Papers say: "Congress is deadlocked and can't act." I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1924 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Weekly Article #59, 1924-01-27
“You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1924 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Nationally syndicated column number 90, From Nuts To The Soup (31 August 1924); published in The New York Times
“Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1925 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Nationally syndicated column number 114, Monuments Are All Right But Even Heroes Must Eat (1925).
“I never met a man I didn't like.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1927 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Nationally syndicated column number 219, Rogers Gets Six Shiny Dimes From Oil King (1927).
“When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi, "I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1929 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #926, A General Digging Out Of Old War Contracts (15 July 1929)
“Sure must be a great consolation to the poor people who lost their stock in the late crash to know that it has fallen in the hands of Mr. Rockefeller, who will take care of it and see it has a good home and never be allowed to wander around unprotected again. There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1019 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1019, Thoughts Of Will Rogers On The Late Slumps In Stocks (31 October 1929)
“But it's just as Mr. Brisbane and I have been constantly telling you, "Don't gamble"; take all your savings and buy some good stock, and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1019 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1019, Thoughts Of Will Rogers On The Late Slumps In Stocks (31 October 1929)
“You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1063 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1063, Will Rogers Has An Idea About Disarmament Plans (22 December 1929)
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1172 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1172, Will Rogers Sees No Value In All The Time We Save (28 April 1930)
“This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1224 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1224, Rogers Offers His Version Of The Economic Situation (27 June 1930)
“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1230 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1230, Congress Session, Rogers Says, Is Like Baby Getting A Hammer (4 July 1930)
“We are the first nation to starve to death in a storehouse that's overfilled with everything we want.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1355 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1355, The First Good News of the 1928 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run For Anything (26 November 1930)
“I certainly know that [A] comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious and I don't want either of those to happen to me til I am dead (if then).”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1538 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1538, The First Good News of the 1928 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run For Anything (28 June 1931)
“I not only "don't choose to run" but I don't even want to leave a loophole in case I am drafted, so I won't "choose". I will say "won't run" no matter how bad the country will need a comedian by that time.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1538 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1538, The First Good News of the 1928 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run For Anything (28 June 1931)
“Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1538 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1538, The First Good News of the 1928 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run For Anything (28 June 1931)
“The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1597 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1597, Will Rogers Finds Larnin' Spoils One For Real Work (4 September 1931)
“This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1611 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1611, Mr. Rogers Thinks Its Time That A Smart Man Came Along (21 September 1931)
“I am a peace man. I haven't got any use for wars and there is no more humor in 'em than there is reason for 'em.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1931 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram (4 December 1931), as quoted in Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams (1979), p. 104; also in Will Rogers Speaks: Over 1,000 Timeless Quotations for Public Speakers (1995) edited by Bryan B. Sterling and ‎Frances …
“I doubt if a charging elephant, or a rhino, is as determined, or hard to check, as a socially ambitious mother.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1808 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1808, Mr. Rogers' Heart Goes Out To Our Envoy To St. James's (10 May 1932) in The New York Times, 11 May 1932
“This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1932 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram #1948, Will Rogers Favors Closing the Campaign Right Now and Letting The Boys Go Fishing (1 November 1932)
“I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1933 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram number 2159, Mr. Rogers Has An Idea How Conferences End (5 July 1933)
“There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country, and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1934 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram number 2615, Mr. Rogers Finds the Wars At Home and Afar Alike (23 December 1934) in The New York Times, 24 December 1934
“Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U. S. Senators. There ought to be one day (just one) when there is open season on senators.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1935 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram number 2678, Mr. Rogers Takes Notice Of The Senatorial Storm (6 March 1935)
“We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1935 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Daily Telegram number 2768, Mr. Rogers Puts Us Down As A Nation of Fleas (19 June 1935)
“No party is as bad as its state and national leaders.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) first seen 1928 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: I Accept the Nomination", Life magazine, 31 May 1928
“advertising [...] makes you spend money you haven't got for things you don't want.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The United States never lost a war or won a conference.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Remark after the Versailles Peace Conference, as quoted in Wit and Wisdom (1936) edited by Jack Lait
“When you get into trouble 5,000 miles from home, you've got to have been looking for it.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Sanity Is Where You Find It : An affectionate history of the United States in the 20's and 30's (1955) edited by Donald Day.
“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom (1958) by Herbert Victor Prochnow, p. 190
“The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Image : A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America (1963) by Daniel Joseph Boorstein
“We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Complete Speaker's Index to Selected Stories for Every Occasion (1967) by Jacob Morton Braude, p. 16
“Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter — he's got to just know.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Ether and me; or "Just relax." (1973)
“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in You Must Remember This (1975) by Walter Wagner, p. 175
“An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 258
“We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 285
“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. 11px|frameless QOTD 2007·11·04 Sound file”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 524
“Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Land in America : Its Value, Use, and Control (1981) by Peter M. Wolf, p. 6
“Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Dreams Come Due : Government and Economics as If Freedom Mattered (1986) by John Galt, p. 235
“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Creative Leadership : Mining the Gold in Your Workforce (1998) by A. S. Migs Damiani, p. 168
“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations (1998) by Connie Robertson
“Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Wit (2003) by Des MacHale, p. 299
“The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Defending Liars : In Defense of President Bush and the War on Terror in Iraq (2006) by Howard L. Salter, p. 40
“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Quotable Will Rogers (2006) by Joseph H. Carter
“The only problem with Boy Scouts is, there aren't enough of them.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Giving young people a chance to grow (22 Nov 2011)
“The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I tell you Folks, all Politics is Apple Sauce.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make one out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a Crook or a Martyr.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.”
Will Rogers (1879–1935) said by 1935 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source