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W. C. Fields
18 quotes
“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1880 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: This was an epitaph Fields proposed for himself in a 1925 article in Vanity Fair. It refers to his long standing jokes about Philadelphia (his actual birthplace), and the grave being one place he might actually not pref…
“Never give a sucker an even break.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1923 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: According to Collier's (28 November 1925), Fields is said to have used this line as early as 1923 in the musical comedy play Poppy. It became the title of one of his films in 1941 and Fields' character also spoke this l…
“And it ain't a fit night out for man nor beast.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1659 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Fatal Glass of Beer (1933). Fields adapts an English proverb that was popular in the 17th century. (James Howell, English Proverbs (1659): "When the wind is in the east it is good for neither man nor beast"; John Ra…
“She's all dressed up like a well-kept grave.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1934 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: In reference to Jan Duggan's character in The Old Fashioned Way (1934)
“Who knows what's funny?”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1938 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "One Word More: Liberalism Can Be a Bit Confusing" by Ralph McGill, in The Atlanta Constitution (14 August 1938)
“I'd rather have two girls at twenty-one each, than one girl at forty-two.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Some contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch ...”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1939 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (1939)
“Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1940 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: My Little Chickadee (1940)
“Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill? (the bartender replies: Yes) Oh, what a load is off my mind. I thought I LOST it! it”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1940 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Bank Dick (1940)
“I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for. (Variant: 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.)”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[To a waitress]] I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) first seen 1941 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941)
“I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Don't say you can't give up drinking. It's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The story goes that a polite young lady journalist invited him to lunch at Chasen's in hope of a story. Lunch in his case was a liquid affair, and left him uncommunicative. Noticing the passion with which he shooed away the hovering waiter with the ice water jug, she seized an opening. "Mr. Fields, could you tell me the reason for your well-known aversion to water?" "Delighted, my dear," he replied with suddenly increased bonhomie. "Never touch the stuff—very unhealthy. Fish fuck in it.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quoted in Leslie Halliwell Halliwell's Hundred (1982), p. 231.
“It was a woman who drove me to drink—and you know, I never bothered to thank her.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quoted in Newsweek (November 27, 1972), p. 52
“No water—I never touch water. Fish make love in it.”
W. C. Fields (1880–1946) said by 1946 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quoted in Newsweek (November 27, 1972), p. 52