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Stassi Schroeder
52 quotes
“I am the Devil, and don't you forget it.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Everyone shut the fuck up, This is my fucking birthday”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's my birthday, and what I say goes.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It’s my birthday, so go fuck yourself.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“All of you people, You all get to be in Cabo because I was born today.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Jax shouldn't feel bad about being a sociopath. I mean Tom Sandoval is probably a narcissist. Kristen meets most of the criteria for borderline personality disorder. Ariana has a superiority complex. Katie has anger management issues. Scheana's a hypochondriac. I'm a alcoholic, so he's in good company.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm not really into physical activity. I prefer to stay, like, sedentary.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If being good at sex can get you a Rolls Royce, I must really not be good at sex.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Ugh, This is why I date poor people. Rich people annoy me.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Scheana's acting like we're close friends and she's telling me all this as if I actually give a fuck.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I want to make another cocktail.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[To Jax Taylor] Just because you wear sweaters doesn’t mean you know how to design them … Do you know how annoying it is to hear about your sweater line? Don't bring up your effing sweater line”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Scheana, You weren't dying. You were in the dentist's office.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You were in the dentist's office. You got a lollipop and a toothbrush when it was over.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh, My God, Scheana looks like two butterflies landed on her eyelashes and shit a Crayon.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Scheana looks like a cross between a Gypsy and one of those American Girl dolls. So long, Scheana. So Long Scheana's Eyelashes. So long, Scheana's Turban. So long, Scheana's Unitards.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I've ever seen in my entire life.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Sometimes life gives you a really good gift. Like knowing scheana wore a crop top to her wedding.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I mean, I'm not really what I've done to you, But I'll take a Pinot Grigio.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What? I like sneaking wine in places. I mean, If someone's gonna pick a lunch spot That doesn't serve wine, sorry.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm afraid that she's gonna ask me advice on how to dispose of Ariana's body. I mean, sodium hydroxide and a plastic bin. Google it. But leave me out of it.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like, He should probably be stoned to death.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I like to compare myself to, Like, King Henry VIII. Once you fuck up, Like, Off with your heads.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“that, like, I prefer to be a dictator and not part of a democracy.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“which is I don't like working with other fucking people. That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's like the devil just shit me out into this weird, like, Mars planet where there's palm trees and old people”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Schwartz is like half weasel, half vagina.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[To Jax Taylor] Well, Don't swim away like a moody mermaid.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'd rather give birth to a dump truck than have that conversation with Lisa again.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“She is a ass sucker. Sorry. And she's sucking on your ass right now.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I want to get some goat cheese balls really bad.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“and I want some fried goat cheese balls.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh, and can I have a side of balsamic vinegar? I like eating that with pizza. Top five condiments for pizza, in order. Number one going to be a mixture of sriracha and ranch. Number two is just plain ranch. Number three is balsamic. Number four, plain hot sauce.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like, I would have it at fucking TGI Fridays. I would have done it somewhere with good ranch.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I feel like if I did a boudoir photo shoot with Beau, I would be styled as Daenerys in a giant tub filled with ranch. Who could resist that? Playboy?”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I want to wrap a dildo in acid and give it Kristen as a present so it tears out her insides.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My mom has always told me that I’m a descendant of a Swedish princess, so I try and act like one.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's my dream to have three glasses of wine in front of me at all times.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Go fuck yourself and die.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Who can say no to an open bar?”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Why didn't I have a bottle of wine before I did this?”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I am going to crucify her. I'm going to destroy her life. You have no idea.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The only thing that I have holding me back right now is that I have self respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“No, hobble away”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Did Scheana just flip flop on flip flopping?”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I normally would’ve literally ran across that float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like, 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Everyone’s acting like it’s their own private chef back there. You’re in a restaurant, we have a set menu, just pick something and shut the fuck up.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I wish I was there last night because I’ve always wanted a severed human head on a spike in my apartment and this was the perfect opportunity to get it.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I’d rather light one of my arms on fire than go to something as boring as a puppy shower.”
Stassi Schroeder (born 1988) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source