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Russell Brand
152 quotes
“That's what keeps me alive, perversion and star quality.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I believe Finland's economy is based on Moomin juice.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Cilla Black: What are you like? Russell: A bit like Jesus but with an electric willy.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“That's right middle America, I loves Jemus!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I love the BBC, it's a gorgeous organisation and it's just 'cos it's got vaguely socialist state-run tendencies that people like bloody old Rupert Murdoch coat it off in the Sun, and it's gotta stop!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you. No-one really feels self-confident deep down because it's an artificial idea. Really, people aren't that worried about what you're doing or what you're saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously. You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I keep hearing in my head "you are the Messiah, you are the Messiah". I think there's something wrong with my headphones.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2007 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Radio 2 Show (30 June 2007)
“New York is basically a new version of York. But York just got a cathedral...”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't like doing anything that makes you sweat if you don't come at the end of it.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There's no shame in being second to Stephen Fry. Unless it's in a straight nose competition.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Some people, I think they're called racists, say America is not ready for a black president. But, I know America to be a forward-thinking country, right, because otherwise, you know, would you have let that retarded cowboy fella be president for eight years? We were very impressed. We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“One minute, he's just a teenage lad in Alaska having joyful unprotected sex, the next minute: 'Get to the Republican Convention!' I think that is the best safe sex message of all time: 'Use a condom, or become Republican!'”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I remember even thinking as a 15-year-old "this sounds alright, this stuff". I was quite impacted by it, and I was very unhappy about, sort of the way you were treated, but I think that Terry generally didn't mean to be rude. But the audience seemed... kind of... I don't know... sceptical, uncomfortable and odd.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 1991 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Concerning Terry Wogan's interview of David Icke on Wogan in 1991. Source: Brand's 2008 interview with Icke (starts at 1:55).
“[After reading out local newspaper accounts of multiple recent attacks on women and the dress of the suspect] However serious this sex attack was, the real crime was against fashion.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What kind of sex attacker reneges at the first scream?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I know it's serious but the actual event doesn't change whether we look at it humorously or seriously.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2008 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Comments during a performance in Northampton (12 July 2008), as cited in "Russell Brand criticised for sex attack prank", The Times (16 July 2008).
“[Posing as a woman named 'Sarah' in a call to an emergency police phoneline] I have got some information for you. I've seen a gentleman who fits the description. He was wearing a lime green top and polka- dot trousers, and I thought, "Well, look at the state of him" (laughter). I've had someone come near my underpass. He was dressed absolutely atrociously, he looked like Timmy Mallett.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2008 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Further comments from the performance, as cited in "Outcry at Brand's 'joke' call to police hunting sex fiend", Evening Standard (15 July 2008).
“[part of first message] Right. you wait till I come on your show. Andrew Sachs I did not do nothing with Georgina [Sachs granddaughter] … oh no, I revealed I know her name! Oh no, it's a disaster! Abort, abort! Put the phone down, put the phone down, code red, code red! I'm sorry Mr Fawlty, I'm sorry. You're a waste of space! Oh no, Jonathan ...”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[during Sachs recorded announcement at the beginning of the second message] (interrupting) … I am too busy thinking about killing myself … Andrew, this is Russell Brand. I am so sorry about the last message - it was part of the radio show, it was a mistake … The truth is I am phoning you to ask if I can marry - that's right, marry - Georgina the granddaughter.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[during third message] (singing ...) I'd like to apologise for the terrible attacks, Andrew Sachs, I would like to show contrition to the max, Andrew Sachs. I would like to create world peace, between the yellow, white and blacks, Andrew Sachs, Andrew Sachs. I said something I didn't have oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter. But it was consensual and she wasn't menstrual, it was consensual lovely sex. It was full of respect I sent her a text, I've asked her to marry me, Andrew Sachs ...”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2008 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Extracts from a sequence of four phone calls broadcast on The Russell Brand Show on BBC Radio 2 (18 October 2008) of the prank telephone calls, as quoted in "Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross's 'offensive' calls: transcri…
“I see that dereliction can survive in opulence; the abundantly wealthy with destitution in their stare.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2013 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Russell Brand: my life without drugs", The Guardian (9 March 2013).
“Only Boris [Johnson] concerns me. When I used to watch Have I Got News For You, which as a kid I was proud to watch, full stop, I loved it when Boris Johnson came on. I didn't know who he was or what he did, I didn't think about it, I just liked him. I liked his voice, his manner, his name, his vocabulary, his self-effacing charm, humour and, of course, his hair. He has catwalk hair. Vogue cover hair, Rumplestiltskin spun it out of straw, straight-out-of-bed, drop-dead, gold-thread hair.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In this age where politics is presented as entertainment, it's the most entertaining politicians who ascend”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There is a relationship between government, media and industry that is evident even at this most spurious and superficial level. These three institutions support one another. We know that however cool a media outlet may purport to be, their primary loyalty is to their corporate backers. We know also that you cannot criticise the corporate backers openly without censorship and subsequent manipulation of this information.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If a product has an advertisement, it means you don't need it. No-one ever has to say 'go to sleep', 'breathe', 'love people'.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh also I raped someone once, [laughter] I killed her after.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[On the Ancient Greeks having sex with children] They didn’t mind it did they [...] They were clever weren't they.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I've done another triangle. I'm f—ing a little kid. This is great. F–k the kid with the triangle. No that's too much.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Look at the women in this room [...] Even a bold estimate would be that I've slept with half of them. Currently.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2013 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: From series Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast (2013), as cited in "Video emerges of Russell Brand joking 'I raped someone once'", The Telegraph (18 September 2023)
“God, please make me a channel of your peace." The first line of the St. Francis prayer, popularized by Mother Teresa, bastardized by Margaret Thatcher, and cherished by those of us who have fallen through the cracks and floated ourselves back up with crack.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Have you ever tried to argue with someone who doesn’t want anything from you? It’s hard. Have you ever noticed in a row with someone that no longer loves you that you have no recourse? No tools with which to bargain.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Making enough money to become an effective consumer takes time, dedication, devotion. The wait is miserable. It never occurred that the objective was flawed and the rules were skewed.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There is always something for it to think, always something for it to solve, so whenever I first start to meditate, the mantra is a tiny clear droplet lost in a deluge of sludge. I’m not a person who finds meditation a doddle or to whom yoga comes naturally. To tell you the truth, I find the whole business a bit poncey and contrary to the way I used to see myself. It’s only the fact that I decimated my life by aggressively pursuing the models of living that were most immediately available—eating, wanking, drinking, consuming, getting famous—that I was forced to look at alternatives.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I recently researched my family tree, and quite quickly labels of class are smudged into nonsense. For a couple of generations back, it’s all very proletariat in every direction—Bethnal Green bottle-makers and jobs that belong in Dickens. But with the generational doubling that occurs, before too long it’s a muddle of all manner of colliding types: scullery maids and sculptors, officers and gentlemen.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It was ridiculous—he was soaking. I had to get a towel and offer him clothes that he wouldn’t take. I knew immediately that I’d like him; he just had one of those faces. I could see what he’d been like as a boy, probably always fenced off in the electronic penitentiary of a too-fast mind.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I’ve just typed myself into a revolutionary fervor again. Every so often the fury at injustice rises up in me and makes me want to smash something or burn something, but nothing in my immediate environment belongs to me so I have to refrain.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Folk codes of pride and togetherness, pride in both senses, honor, and togetherness. Ring-fenced emotion permitted only at three o’clock for ninety minutes in the sanctuary of the stadium. Can we march that pride out of the gates and into the streets? Can we harness it? Direct it? Use it for something less stymied by white lines and whistles, that could pour from the terraces and into the oak-and-leather chambers, the steel-and-glass towers?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I should also point out that empathy, sympathy, and love are limitless resources, energies that never deplete, and at this time of dwindling fuels we should cherish and explore these inexhaustible inner resources more than ever”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I suppose that corruption by definition is a deviation, a perversion from the intended path.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When the physicist speaks of the expanding universe with atheistic wonder, he is feeling the same transcendent pull that Rumi describes: Do you know what you are? You are a manuscript of a divine letter. You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you are already that.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My experiences of meditation began before bearded pajama time, which a friend of mine is encouraging me to describe as a mental breakdown. I don’t think it was, as I would say that despair is a necessary ingredient of a breakdown. What did happen at the time of my divorce was that a lot of my beliefs and their outward manifestations fell away.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When I meet a new person, I like to take them in, give them a damn good staring at, and check my files for references.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Travel in the old ruts," quotes my friend Meredith; some ancient Chinese maxim. The way lain down by elders. Pathways through the world, pathways through the mind—it’s a shame that these days we so seldom have a guide. That our atomized worldview, mimicking scientific doctrine, sees us as separate, distinct, alone, orbiting in space, touching only an infinite void.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I suppose we must each ask of ourselves—or each other, have fun with it, it could be a quiz—two fundamental questions: 1. Are you happy with things the way they are? And 2. Do you believe that things could be better?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Serenity is the first thing people with addiction issues are instructed to request: God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“This business of seeing divine interconnected beauty in people has been happening more and more lately, and I put it down to meditating too much.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“He came round my house the other day, Thomas Piketty, French as kissing, with eyes that twinkled like petrol in a puddle. He had, though, the demeanor I know well, that of a man besieged by diagonal stabs of insidious judgment.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My whole life, I have sought comfort in individualism. I escaped the banality of my background with the flamboyance of my haircut, the low expectations of my class with the grandiosity of my parlance, and the fear of being ordinary by becoming a professional weirdo. In a way, my success in show business represents little more than the harvesting of my psychosis. I made my idiosyncrasies and flaws beneficial by exaggerating them.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I truly felt, ultimate objective aside, that the Marines had something beautiful about them. Fraternity, initiation, mentoring, honor, valor, duty—beautiful male attributes in a society in which masculinity is maligned. I can get a bit like that, a bit D. H. Lawrence, a bit jazzed on unexamined humanity. When I chatted on camera to a pair of perfectly assembled teen Marines who sat handsomely in their fatigues, rifles pristine and bolt upright at their sides, I was overwhelmed by the salvation that the military offers to boys that may otherwise have fallen through the cracks.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Jesus as protagonist in the Gospels is good because, like Superman, he’s been sent from another dimension; like Superman, he’s decided to dedicate himself to saving humanity; and, like Superman, he’s got special powers: heal the sick, walk on water, food multiplication. His vulnerability is that he is part man and as such can be speared, mocked, nailed up, and, at least carnally, sacrificed.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source