Famous quotes
Quotes by famous people, credited to who said them. Your own quotes must not match any of these. More are added all the time. 1,158,269 quotes Who coined it · How we decide
EnglishItalianoPolskiעבריתFrançaisPortuguêsفارسیEspañol中文РусскийDeutschالعربيةहिन्दी日本語ΕλληνικάLatina
Russell Brand
152 quotes
“You know, the relationships we 'ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It's all a bit pappy and rubbish.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[After a boxing match in which Brand punched his father hard enough for the older man to fall to his knees] Shall we go down the pub and chat up some birds? Do something we're both good at?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2023 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Episode 1: "Dadfight", as cited in "The forgotten TV show that warned us about Russell Brand", The Telegraph (18 September 2023)
“BNP Member: Listen, you told us that you wanted to come up here to make a politically neutral documentary. Russell Brand: No, I can't be neutral mate it's too important, I'm not going to let you destroy my fucking planet!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“BNP Member: I am proud to be white, and I am proud to be British. Brand: But you should find other things to be proud of mate.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[After pleasuring a gay man named Gary in a Soho toilet] My tendencies and inclinations towards women are very, very powerful.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2023 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Episode 7: "W—-y W—-y", as cited in "The forgotten TV show that warned us about Russell Brand", The Telegraph (18 September 2023)
“When my dad left, you know, I'd give my mum hell sometimes, but really she's the one that stayed, isn't she? Poor cow, she didn't need that kind of aggravation.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I've looked right through the Bible, start to finish, looking for the bit saying 'Jesus was the mind behind Ikea', then there's no evidence to suggest this at all.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I saw a picture of Prince William, HRH William, in the paper today. He's going bald. I reckon by the end of next year he will be bald and I'm glad about that. Because of his playboy prince status and that, it makes me feel insecure about my own looks.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Karl Pilkington: And I was high up. Russell Brand: I'm picturing you as a sort of vigilante Batman figure, looking down over Salford, to see if there's any crimes. Karl Pilkington: And I was in my pants. Rusell Brand: Again, like a vigilante Batman figure.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The first time Tim Westwood did that chestbump to me, I ended up sort of cuddling his arm.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't like the idea of fruit being all turned on because of cream being poured on it. How then can you eat that fruit?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I like pressing that emergency button on bus doors to escape.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Russell Brand: What did you say? Trevor Lock: I just said 'ow' Russell Brand: Oh yeah, that cleared it up. He probably sank to his knees at that point and screamed 'There is no God!' You probably made him renounce the clergy. He probably went straight off after that and had it off with someone...”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Matt Morgan: [To Russell] How have you developed pectoral muscles when you barely do anything for yourself?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: BBC 6 Music Show (27 August 2006)
“Charles Ingram's views are so pugnacious that when I heard them, I went back to ancient Arabia, sauntered into Aladdin’s cave, said "Open, sesame," perused all the treasures and trinkets until I got Aladdin's attention, pulled down my trousers and panties and forced a genie into my dinkle's peep hole and shouted, "Aladdin, rub the lamp! You'll get more than three wishes!" He said he wished I'd leave his cave.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Spiral's views are so enchanting that when I heard them, I cleared off to Australia, strolled up Ayres Rock to the meditating Aborigines, pulled down my trousers and pants, polished my dinkle 'til it was as stiff as a pipe, prised its end open and shouted, "Lads, who wants a blow of my didgeridoo?!" They said they faced this ignorance from the white man on an almost daily basis.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[On a fabricated tabloid story]The Neptunian underworld king unleashed a barrage of eels from his abdomen and each of the eels was carrying a zippo lighter and as they flew by they spelt across the sky in fire 'Tara can a borrow your eyeliner please?' If you're gonna make stuff up go mental!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's not really over. There's a little part of my brain that is:”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Hmm, wa'er! If, right, your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[On chat-up lines]Well, stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, "Get in the van.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's like Kilroy only talking about Big Brother and there's no racism allowed.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Blimey! Thank God my jeans are this tight- you could wear me like a puppet!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Let's look beyond the divisions of football teams and look at the unifying force within our souls... SEX!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“October... Is that when there's conkers?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The whole thing stinks, Carr!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Where's Guy?!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(after Noel Fielding has written "peep scarf" to describe a piece of muslim apparel) That's its proper name!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[Piers Morgan:] Are you a more successful sexual predator now that you don't drink? [Brand:] Yes, but I resent the word "predator". I like to think of myself as a conduit of natural forces. After all, the most natural thing in the world for people to do is f*, isn't it? And people want to do it, so all you have to do is remove all the reasons why women don't actually go through with it, like pride and reputation. You just have to unpick the conditions stopping women going straight to bed with you.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: 2006: Russell Brand", GQ (British edition, October 2006; reprint dated 29 March 2012)
“Should we stick with the Goth Detectives from when we won last year? Where's our trophy?”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“So by being offended you've sorta acknowledged that you are thick, and none of us are, so we're all back on speaking terms!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You'd think, if you was me, you would think this and I am me, so I'm in a perfect position to offer conclusive evidence on that... innit like when you go away on holiday, you think 'oh yeah, I'd better go away on holiday, cheer myself up, get away from it all" but when you go on holiday, you're there, so it's shit!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“so when I was staying with him, he went 'alright, okay, so what time do you go to bed then?' and I thought 'fucking hell! he doesn't know what he's doing!! SHIIIIIIT!!' I went 'oooh, about, 10 oclock?', 'ah yeah, alright then'. YEEEES!! it's like the same feeling that as an adult I would get walking through customs with heroin in my bottom. 'I'm getting away with iiiiit!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If you're going to use 'theatrical' and 'bent' in such close proximity, you're going to give people the wrong impression.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In an infinite universe; eternal time, why just do what people tell you? 'ave a laugh; do what you want.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If that's a euphemism - an egg and spoon race, - I'm probably gold medal class.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Could you imagine a wand that was not camp? Could you imagine, for example, Ray Winstone, with a wand? (Impersonating him) 'RIGHT OK. IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC, SIT DOWN.'”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When asked what he puts on his hair: "Mostly orphans' tears, old clock parts, lizard's tails, spit, the concept of freedom; all up there, all shooshed up right nice and tight, like a bonfire that's never actually burned... it mutters follicular oddities into my mind.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I emerged from the womb, right, I was wearing a top hat and I had a cane and said: 'Mother, that was an awkward and embarrassing birth. You should be ashamed of yourself dear. Now pull your nightie down; that doctor looks salacious.' Then I trotted off outside, met up with Kenneth Williams and we both had tea, and we looked down at our dinkles with disgust.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Let's send actual love to Robbie Williams. Get well England's Rose. One day at a time old bean. Ooh, those bloody drugs!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What about the rumours David Cameron smoked drugs as a schoolboy? What worries me most is that he dressed up as a schoolboy to do it, the pervert. Though perhaps, let’s not condemn him regardless. Who among us didn’t smoke just a little bit of weed at school, just to take the edge off those irksome crack come-downs? Actually, as it turns out, it’s about as good an anti-drugs campaign as you’re going to get, don’t take drugs you might end up leader of the Tories with a face like a little painted egg.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm waiting for something worth waiting for.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Is it Paul Mccartney? Is it Jimmy Page? No, it's Noel Gallagher, they look the same age!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Noel Fielding's not in, Noel Gallagher's not in, I think the message is don't trust Noels! Noel Edmunds, deal or no deal? No deal Noel!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“After the revolution we will be broadcasting constant messages into a microchip inside your brains. It's gonna be great!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Noel Gallagher looks like a mum's mate.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'll riverdance while that's happening, 'cause it seems to be what I naturally do anyway.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“That diamond encrusted goat's skull is the height of good taste!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm genuinely and actually a bit like Jesus.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“This is Hollywood, mate. People bring chihuahuas round!”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh no, my brain is broken.”
Russell Brand (born 1975) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source