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Rodney Dangerfield

21 quotes

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quoted in Bob Fenster, Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros (2005), p. 37
“There goes the neighborhood.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Epitaph, quoted in Patricia Brooks, Laid to Rest in California (2006), p. 20
“If all goes well, about a week. If not, about an hour and a half.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: His last words quoted in Rosemarie Jarski, ed., Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 (2010). p. 501
“I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In my life I've been through plenty. when I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I tell ya, I grew up in a tough neighborhood. The other night a guy pulled a knife on me. I could see it wasn't a real professional job. There was butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt — for obvious reasons — that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Why, that's the story of my life--no respect; I mean, I don't get no respect at all!”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) said by 2004 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source