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Noël Coward
40 quotes
“[On the phone] My dear Jim's dead...No dear, he jumped off Waterloo Bridge - Yes, the one next to Charing Cross - No, no, no that's Blackfriars.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage The profession is overcrowded And the struggle's pretty tough And admitting the fact she's burning to act That isn't quite enough She's a big girl and though her teeth are fairly good She's not the type I ever would be eager to engage I repeat, Mrs. Worthington, sweet Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1933 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Mrs Worthington" (Song, 1933)
“The stately homes of England we proudly represent, We only keep them up for Americans to rent. Tho' the pipes that supply the bathroom burst And the lavat'ry makes you fear the worst It was used by Charles the First (quite informally), And later by George the Fourth on a journey north, The state apartments keep their historical reknown, It's wiser not to sleep there in case they tumble down; But still if they ever catch on fire Which with any luck they might, We'll fight for the stately homes of England.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1937 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Stately Homes of England" from Operette (1937)
“Charles: Anything interesting in The Times? Ruth: Don't be silly, Charles.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1941 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Blithe Spirit (1941)
“Hollywood is a place where some people lie on the beach and look up at the stars, whereas other people lie on the stars and look down at the beach.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1960 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interview with Walter Harris in 1960 reported in The Times (26 May 2009)
“I love criticism as long as it is unqualified praise.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1956 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quote in Margaret McManus, "Noël Coward a 'Blithe Spirit' — in Sunny Jamaica", The Des Moines Register (January 8, 1956), Section: Iowa TV Magazine, p. 5
“Television is for appearing on, not looking at.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1956 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interview with Edward R. Murrow on Person to Person (27 April 1956)
“He loved me true did Harry-boy and I loved him true, and if the happiness we gave each other was wicked and wrong in the eyes of the Law and the Church and God Almighty, then the Law and the Church and God Almighty can go dig a hole and fall down it.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1964 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Me and the Girls (1964)
“Christopher Marlowe or Francis Bacon The author of Lear remains unshaken Willie Herbert or Mary Fitton What does it matter? The Sonnets were written.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If by any chance a playwright wishes to express a political opinion or a moral opinion or a philosophy, he must be a good enough craftsman to do it with so much spice of entertainment in it that the public get the message without being aware of it.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Sheridan Morley, A Talent to Amuse (1985).
“Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Fred Metcalf, The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations (1987).
“Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted by Anthony Grafton in The Footnote: A Curious History (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 70, with the following footnote: "L. Gossman, Between History and Literature (Cambridge, Mass. and L…
“I'll see you again, Whenever spring breaks through again.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Amanda: Whose yacht is that? Elyot: The Duke of Westminster's I expect. It always is. Amanda: I wish I were on it. Elyot: I wish you were too. Amanda: There's no need to be nasty. Elyot: Yes, there is every need. I've never in my life felt a greater urge to be nasty.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Elyot: I met her on a house party in Norfolk. Amanda: Very flat, Norfolk. Elyot: There's no need to be unpleasant. Amanda: That was no reflection on her, unless of course she made it flatter.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Elyot: Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Amanda: Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In tropical climes There are certain times Of day When all the citizens retire To take their clothes off and perspire. It's one of those rules That the greatest fools Obey, Because the sun is far too sultry And one must avoid its ultry- Vi'let ray.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The natives grieve When the white men leave Their huts. Because they're obviously, Definitely Nuts.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Mad Dogs & Englishmen Go out in the midday sun. The Japanese don't care to, The Chinese wouldn't dare to, The Hindus and Argentines Sleep firmly from twelve to one, But Englishmen Detest a Siesta.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's such a surprise For Eastern eyes To see, That though the English are effete, They're quite impervious to heat.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It seems such a shame When the English claim The Earth, That they give rise To such hilarity And mirth.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In Rangoon The heat of noon Is just what the natives shun, They put their Scotch Or Rye down And lie down.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In a jungle town Where the sun beats down To the rage of man and beast, The English garb Of the English sahib Merely gets a bit more creased. In Bangkok At twelve'o'clock They foam at the mouth and run, But mad dogs and Englishmen Go out in the midday sun.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In Hong Kong They strike a gong And fire off a noonday gun To reprimand Each inmate Who's in late.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In Bengal, To move at all Is seldom if ever done.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The actual facts are so simple. I love you. You love me. You love Otto. I love Otto. Otto loves you. Otto loves me. There now! Start to unravel from there.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“People are wrong when they say that the opera isn't what it used to be. It is what it used to be — that's what's wrong with it!”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Mad about the boy I know it's stupid to be mad about the boy I'm so ashamed of it but must admit the sleepless nights I've had About the boy”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“On the silverscreen He melts my foolish heart in every single scene Although I'm quite aware that here and there are traces of the cad About the boy”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Lord knows I'm not a fool girl I really shouldn't care Lord knows I'm not a school girl In the flurry of her first affair.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Will it ever cloy This odd diversity of misery and joy I'm feeling quite insane and young again And all because I'm mad about the boy”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“So if I could employ A little magic that will finally destroy This dream that pains me and enchains me But I can't because I'm mad... I'm mad about the boy”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Gary: You ought never to have joined the Athenaeum Club, Henry: it was disastrous. Henry: I really don’t see why. Gary: It’s made you pompous. Henry: It can’t have. I’ve always been too frightened to go into it.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Morris: I'll never speak to you again until the day I die! Gary: Well, we can have a nice little chat then, can't we?”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Coward played a supporting role in a poorly received comedy movie SURPRISE PACKAGE(1960). When someone approached Coward and told him that he had stolen the picture,Coward replied---"Thank you,My Dear, but it was only petty larceny".”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Our families have traditions We've heard of a thousand times Our ancestors were unequivocally right. They frequently went on missions To rather peculiar climes To lead the wretched heathen to the light. Though some of them got beaten up and some of them stampeded And quite a lot were eaten up - a few of them succeeded. On one of these expeditions An uncle we thought a bore Turned out to be more spirited than ever he'd been before.Poor Uncle Harry Wanted to be a missionary So he took a ship and sailed away. This visionary Hotly pursued by dear Aunt Mary Found a South Sea isle on which to stay. The natives greeted them kindly, And invited them to dine On yams and clams and human hams and vintage coconut wine The taste of which was filthy But the after-effects divine.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1860 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Uncle Harry" from Pacific 1860 (1946)
“The Battle of Britain was twenty-three years ago and the world has forgotten it. Those young men, so many of whom I knew, flew up into the air and died for us and all we believed in... What did they die for? I suppose for themselves and what they believed was England. It was England then – for a few brave months... The peace we are enduring is not worth their deaths. England has become a third-rate power, economically and morally. We are vulgarised by American values. America, which didn't even know war on its own ground, is now dictating our policies and patronising our values. I came away from that gentle, touching, tatty little party with a heavy and sad heart. The England those boys died for has disappeared. Our history, except for stupid, squalid social scandals, is over... We are now beset by the 'clever ones', all the cheap frightened people who can see nothing but defeat and who have no pride, no knowledge of the past, no reverence for our lovely heritage... I despise the young, who see no quality in our great past and who spit, with phoney, left-wing disdain, on all that we, as a race, have contributed to the living world... I say a grateful goodbye to those foolish, gallant young men who made it possible for me to be alive today to write these sentimental words.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) first seen 1963 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Diary entry after attending the annual dinner for Battle of Britain veterans (September 1963), quoted in The Noël Coward Diaries, eds. Graham Payn and Sheridan Morley (1982), pp. 543-545
“Proceeding on the assumption that the reader of this preface is interested in the development of my musical talent, I will try to explain, as concisely as I can, how, in this respect, my personal wheels go round. To begin with, I have only had two music lessons in my life. These were the first steps of what was to have been a full course at the Guildhall School of Music, and they faltered and stopped when I was told by my instructor that I could not use consecutive fifths. He went on to explain that a gentleman called Ebenezer Prout had announced many years ago that consecutive fifths were wrong and must in no circumstances be employed. At that time Ebenezer Prout was merely a name to me (as a matter of fact he still is, and a very funny one at that) and I was unimpressed by his Victorian dicta. I argued back that Debussy and Ravel had used consecutive fifths like mad. My instructor waved aside this triviality with a pudgy hand, and I left his presence forever with the parting shot that what was good enough for Debussy and Ravel was good enough for me. This outburst of rugged individualism deprived me of much valuable knowledge, and I have never deeply regretted it for a moment.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Gary: Beryl Willard is extremely competent. Beryl Willard has been extremely competent, man and boy, for forty years. In addition to her extreme competence, she has contrived, with uncanny skill, to sustain a spotless reputation for being the most paralysing, epoch-making, monumental, world-shattering, God-awful bore that ever drew breath...I will explain one thing further - it is this. No prayer, no bribe, no threat, no power, human or divine, would induce me to go to Africa with Beryl Willard. I wouldn't go as far as Wimbledon with Beryl Willard. Liz: What he's trying to say is that he doesn't care for Beryl Willard.”
Noël Coward (1899–1973) said by 1973 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source