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Nicole Hollander

105 quotes

“(Woman psychic) In June of 1987, men will begin talking about their feelings; women all over America will be sorry within minutes.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) You almost never see a real lady popping out of a cake.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) On Getting Old in America. By Sylvia. Page One. 1. Best to do it somewhere else.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Dr. Paul Johns, animal linguist, on cats) It seems their entire language consists of two phrases, uttered with varying degrees of intensity: "Hurry that dinner, willya" and "Everything here is mine." (p. 35)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia to blindfolded cat) Just put your paw on the map, and that's where we'll go for our vacation. It's a big country, and yet you picked Cleveland.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Voice on television) Midol relives the special pain that women get (Sylvia) when they realize they picked the wrong man, again.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Voice on television) Honey, I love you, but I got to be moving on. (Sylvia) Break his kneecaps.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Woman to psychic) Which do you think is the more impossible dream: the perfect man or the perfect handbag?”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) Common misunderstandings of young married couples. (Young husband to tearful wife) Jeannie, when I said that your dinner tasted like airplane food, that was meant as a compliment.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Woman psychic to woman client) So how come the tall, dark, handsome stranger I see in your future is a woman?”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man at dinner table) Bet you don't know what a male swan is called. (Woman at dinner table) Sure I do. A swine.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Voice on television) Mom, can a douche make you feel more confident? (Sylvia) Not like a good stock portfolio.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) The best place to discuss your sexual dissatisfaction with your partner is 1) in the bedroom 2) in a car, traveling at high speed 3) in a crowded elevator.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia to her daughter) Rita, your body may be a temple. Mine is a Chevy Vega.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Doctor in bed) I dreamt I died and went to Heaven and they handed me some old Ms. magazines, a paper sheet, and made me sit in a little room with a bunch of other doctors.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) For feminine protection, every day use a hand grenade.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia to character in book she is reading, Death by) Get out of that tub! Get in your car and get out of there! (Character) Suddenly I felt compelled to get out of that tub and out of that motel. I dressed and hopped in my car. Later I stopped for gas, and met a great guy. We got married and raise cocker spaniels.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Cartoon title) A cat being cured of hairballs through a television ministry. (Voice on television) Place your right paw on the screen.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Cartoon title) Don't throw that old diaphragm away! (Sylvia at typewriter) Because it can be used as: 1. Doorknob cover (no need to worry about fingerprints ever again) 2. Bathtub stopper 3) Rainhat for cat 4. Small frisbee.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) A lady never offers a new lover a complimentary tooth brush, razor and sewing kit the next morning.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Woman sitting by swimming pool) To me the most important quality in a kitchen is that it be in someone else's house, or in a restaurant.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Devil describes Hell) It's like you go to a Van Halen concert and you're the oldest one there, and there's a mix-up in the tickets, and you have to stand for the whole thing and it's hot and the kid next to you loses his lunch on your shoe. . . . I know. You thought it was going to be witty and Noel Cowardish.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia driving to nervous passenger Venusian Gernif) Don't be silly. You're not going to be the first interplanetary traveler to die in a Chevy.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Young girl rejecting Devil's attempt to purchase her soul) Bag your face. . . . You set off the smoke detector, ham breath. **(p. 142)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man in bar) I like an older woman. (Sylvia) I'll pass that along.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) In the heat of the moment, I said a lot of unforgiveable things. Please call me. I've thought of a few more.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man on television) The investment firm of Smith Barney: they make money the old-fashioned way--they earn it. (Sylvia) Right. The rest of us pick it off trees in the backyard.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Television) Our station is experiencing technical difficulties, so please try and amuse yourselves in whatever way you did before you became so emotionally dependent on us.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Television) Being a woman is as much a state of mind as a state of being. (Sylvia) Right. You stop paying attention, you might turn into a tuna.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man on television) Man is the hunter. Woman is the civilizing influence, and when women abandon that role, men become (Sylvia) Cranky, and start wars.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) Being a monopoly means never having to say you're sorry.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Woman on television) Frank, Frank, make me feel like a woman. (Man on television) Could you pick up my laundry?”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man on television) Rita, you must believe me, alien beings are among us. (Sylvia) Yeah, in public office.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia at typewriter) "Superwoman." The definition is 1. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to fight evil. 2. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to combine a family and a career. (p. 184)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Woman in office) Help, I am a rich woman being kept prisoner in a working woman's body. (p. 196)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man in suit to Indian woman) Oh guru, ancient mother of the world, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't even know how to cry. Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry? (Guru) Sure. No problem. Tomorrow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man on television) If women want time off to bear children, they can't expect to be treated as equals. (Sylvia) Okay, give men time off to bear children.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Television) Women hold up half the sky. (Sylvia) Uh huh, but in a poor neighborhood.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Streetwalker to friend) First he wants me to put on bunny ears and patent leather shoes, then he wants me to eat a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. I go, "Mister, you are so sick. I don't do nitrites.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man in bar) Can you imagine a world without men? (Sylvia) No crime, and lots of happy, fat women.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Bartender Harry) What's your ethnic background? (Sylvia) Woman.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) I'm planning to live fast, die young, and make a good looking corpse. (Bartender Harry) I think you're off schedule. (p. 216)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Man at bar) You know the kind of woman I could really go for? . . . Someone intelligent, witty, passionate about her work, totally involved in life, and willing to give it all up for me.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia to Venusian Gernif): What would happen if you wore a dress? Well, some people would invite you to parties. And some people would attempt to beat you to death.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Television) There's a special feeling about being a woman. You do so much for everyone around you. But some days (Sylvia) You realize you've been had.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) A really good haircut is as effective in changing one’s life as A) 3 months of psychotherapy. B) 6 months of psychotherapy.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Television) Angry women beat up shoe salesman who posed as gynecologist. (Sylvia) I hate guys who do that.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) The experienced traveler always flies first class so that when the engine falls off the plane, she’s drinking champagne.”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Pilot’s voice on airplane public address system) Geez, I’m sorry about that landing. . . . Why don’t I just go up and try again? (p. 52)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(Sylvia) Things you can do when you’re a grown-up: . . . .3) Default on a home equity loan and lose everything. (p. 57)”
Nicole Hollander (1939–2026) said by 2026 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source