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Mark Twain

220 quotes

“Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1901 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Speech to Eastman College (1901)
“Now what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1901 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Address to the New York General Assembly (1901)
“The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Christendom has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1901 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: To the Person Sitting in Darkness (1901)
“Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1901 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: To the Young People's Society, Greenpoint Presbyterian Church, Brooklyn (16 February 1901)
“To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1902 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: St. Louis Post-Dispatch (30 May 1902); also in Mark Twain : A Life, p. 611
“Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If the Eiffel Tower were now representing the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle-knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1903 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Was the World Made for Man? (1903): also p. 106, What is man?: and other philosophical writings, Volume 19 of Works, 1993, Mark Twain, Paul Baender, University of California Press
“Belgium's royal palace is still what it has been for the last 14 years: a lair of a wild beast that for its money every year mutilates, murders and starves a half million helpless natives in the Congo Free State.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1904 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Mark Twain about the infamous 1904 Casement report (detailing the abuses in the Congo Free State by Roger Casement) Quoted from the book "Zaïre, Ketens van Koper (translated: Zaire, Chains of Copper)" Chapter 2: From Le…
“To put it in rude, plain, unpalatable words — true patriotism, real patriotism: loyalty not to a Family and a Fiction, but a loyalty to the Nation itself! ..."Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it." [Czar Nicholas II]”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1905 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: (1905)
“He is a stranger to me, but he is a most remarkable man — and I am the other one. Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known, and I know the rest.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Statement (1906) in Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto
“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Essay on William Dean Howells (1906)
“Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Gorky Incident (1906)
“Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Gorky Incident (1906)
“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1907 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Speech (23 September 1907)
“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1908 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Letter to an Unidentified Person (1908)
“When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity of that superstition. I doubt if I could do it myself.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1909 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Is Shakespeare Dead? (1909), §11, as reprinted in Essays and Sketches of Mark Twain (1995), ed. Stuart Miller,
“Adam's temperament was the first command the Deity ever issued to a human being on this planet. And it was the only command Adam would never be able to disobey. It said, "Be weak, be water, be characterless, be cheaply persuadable." The later command, to let the fruit alone, was certain to be disobeyed. Not by Adam himself, but by his temperament — which he did not create and had no authority over.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1910 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Turning Point of my Life", §3, Harper's Bazar, February 1910, as reprinted in Essays and Sketches of Mark Twain (1995), ed. Stuart Miller,
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: quoted by Albert Bigelow Paine in Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)
“You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Europe and Elsewhere. Corn Pone Opinions (1925)
“We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. And out of it we get an aggregation which we consider a boon. Its name is public opinion. It is held in reverence. Some think it the voice of God.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Corn-Pone Opinions (1925)
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: More Maxims of Mark (1927) edited by Merle Johnson
“Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: More Maxims of Mark (1927) edited by Merle Johnson
“Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Mark Twain in eruption: hitherto unpublished pages about men and events, 1940, Mark Twain, Bernard Augustine De Voto, Harper & brothers. This appears to be the origin of the variant:
“A critic never made or killed a book or a play. The people themselves are the final judges. It is their opinion that counts. After all, the final test is truth. But the trouble is that most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession and therefore are most economical in its use.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Said to portrait painter Samuel Johnson Woolf, cited in Here am I (1941), Samuel Johnson Woolf; this has often been abbreviated: Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most econom…
“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto
“It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto
“Jesus died to save men — a small thing for an immortal to do, & didn't save many, anyway; but if he had been damned for the race that would have been act of a size proper to a god, & would have saved the whole race. However, why should anybody want to save the human race, or damn it either? Does God want its society? Does Satan?”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Adam, at Eve's grave: Wheresoever she was, THERE was Eden.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Extracts From Adam's Diary (1906)
“An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth—a fact that is recognized by the law of libel.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1882 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On the Decay of the Art of Lying, published in The Stolen White Elephant: Etc, Pages 220-221 (1882)
“Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1906 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Letter to Gertrude Natkin, 2 March 1906
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1894 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), p. 214.
“Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I used to worship the mighty genius of Michael Angelo — that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture — great in every thing he undertook. But I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast — for luncheon — for dinner — for tea — for supper — for between meals. I like a change, occasionally.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Virtue never has been as respectable as money.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The Erie railroad kills 23 to 46; the other 845 railroads kill an average of one-third of a man each; and the rest of that million, amounting in the aggregate to that appalling figure of 987,631 corpses, die naturally in their beds! You will excuse me from taking any more chances on those beds. The railroads are good enough for me.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The best known names in the Territory of Nevada were those belonging to these long-tailed heroes of the revolver. Orators, Governors, capitalists and leaders of the legislature enjoyed a degree of fame, but it seemed local and meagre when contrasted with the fame of such men as Sam Brown, Jack Williams, Billy Mulligan, Farmer Pease, Sugarfoot Mike, Pock-Marked Jake, El Dorado Johnny, Jack McNabb, Joe McGee, Jack Harris, Six-fingered Pete, etc., etc.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1872 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Chapter XLVIII, p. 344 (published 1872)
“A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1872 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Chapter LI, p. 360 (published 1872)
“No California gentleman or lady ever abuses or oppresses a Chinaman, under any circumstances, an explanation that seems to be much needed in the east. Only the scum of the population do it; they and their children. They, and, naturally and consistently, the policemen and politicians, likewise, for these are the dust-licking pimps and slaves of the scum, there as well as elsewhere in America.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) first seen 1872 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Roughing It (1872)
“Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it — namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Work consists of whatever a body is OBLIGED to do, and...Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”
Mark Twain (1835–1910) said by 1910 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source