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Kurt Vonnegut

332 quotes

“This speech will be very short. After all, you asked me to come here — I didn't ask you.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The thing I just wrote [Slaughterhouse Five] is my masterpiece. The rest of it is going to be crap from now on.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Speaking is more profitable than writing, so I want to thank you for the cushy berth here.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If you are going to be a writer, you must be paranoid. The thing is, in the arts if you don't overreact, you fall asleep.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The big advantage of being a chemistry major was the freedom to be tasteless.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There is a similarity between writers and SDS [Students for a Democratic Society, a left-wing group]: Plenty of paranoia, but no ideas.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Science fiction is like other writing. It is just novels and short stories with machines.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Be kind. Don't kill for any reason. Don't even kill out of self-defense. Really — I mean that. Don't take any more than you need of anything. Help others.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1969 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: From a speech given on 20 January 1969 at the University of Michigan, about two months before Slaughterhouse Five was published, as reported in "A very new kind of WIR [Writer in Residence]" by Daniel Okrent, feature ed…
“Humor is a way of coping with real trouble. … My next book [Slaughterhouse Five] is a comedy. It is about the largest massacre in the history of Europe.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1969 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Vonnegut: Humor to cope with suffering" by Marcia Abramson, The Michigan Daily (22 January 1969), p. 2
“I sometimes wondered what the use of any of the arts was. The best thing I could come up with was what I call the canary in the coal mine theory of the arts. This theory says that artists are useful to society because they are so sensitive. They are super-sensitive. They keel over like canaries in poison coal mines long before more robust types realize that there is any danger whatsoever.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1969 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Physicist, Purge Thyself" in the Chicago Tribune Magazine (22 June 1969)
“High school is closer to the core of the American experience than anything else I can think of.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1970 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Introduction to Our Time Is Now: Notes From the High School Underground, John Birmingham, ed. (1970)
“I was taught in the sixth grade that we had a standing army of just over a hundred thousand men and that the generals had nothing to say about what was done in Washington. I was taught to be proud of that and to pity Europe for having more than a million men under arms and spending all their money on airplanes and tanks. I simply never unlearned junior civics. I still believe in it. I got a very good grade.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1971 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted by James Lundquist in Kurt Vonnegut (1971)
“All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States—and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1131 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "An Interview with Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Carey Horwitz, Library Journal, Apr. 15, 1973: 1131
“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1974 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Commencement Address to Hobart and William Smith Colleges, May 26, 1974
“Well, I've worried some about, you know, why write books … why are we teaching people to write books when presidents and senators do not read them, and generals do not read them. And it's been the university experience that taught me that there is a very good reason, that you catch people before they become generals and presidents and so forth and you poison their minds with … humanity, and however you want to poison their minds, it's presumably to encourage them to make a better world.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1966 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: A Talk with Kurt Vonnegut. Jr." by Robert Scholes in The Vonnegut Statement (1973) edited by Jerome Klinkowitz and John Somer October 1966), later published in Conversations With Kurt Vonnegut (1988), p. 123
“I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a very poor scheme for survival.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1987 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Observer [London] (27 December 1987)
“1. Find a subject you care about. 2. Do not ramble, though. 3. Keep it simple. 4. Have the guts to cut. 5. Sound like yourself. 6. Say what you mean to say. 7. Pity the readers.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1995 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Science Fictionisms (1995), compiled by William Rotsler
“Literature is idiosyncratic arrangements in horizontal lines in only twenty-six symbols, ten arabic numbers, and about eight punctuation marks.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1999 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Public conversation with Lee Stringer, in Like Shaking Hands With God (1999)
“What television does is rent us friends and relatives who are quite satisfactory. The child watching TV loves these people, you know -- they're in color, and they're talking to the child. Why wouldn't a child relate to these people? And you know, if you can't sleep at 3 o'clock in the morning, you can turn on a switch, and there are your friends and relatives, and they obviously like you. And they're charming. Who wouldn't want Peter Jennings for a relative? This is quite something, to rent artificial friends and relatives right inside the house.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 1999 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interviewed by Frank Houston, "The Salon Interview: Kurt Vonnegut", Salon (October 8, 1999)
“You learn about life by the accidents you have, over and over again, and your father is always in your head when that stuff happens. Writing, most of the time, for most people, is an accident and your father is there for that, too. You know, I taught writing for a while and whenever somebody would tell me they were going to write about their dad, I would tell them they might as well go write about killing puppies because neither story was going to work. It just doesn't work. Your father won't let it happen.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2002 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interviewed by J. Rentilly, "The Best Jokes Are Dangerous", McSweeny's (September 2002)
“The telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2002 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interviewed by J. Rentilly, "The Best Jokes Are Dangerous", McSweeny's (September 2002)
“One of the great American tragedies is to have participated in a . It's been possible for politicians and movie-makers to encourage us we're always good guys. The Second World War absolutely had to be fought. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. But we never talk about the people we kill. This is never spoken of.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2002 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interviewed by Roger Friedman, "God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut", FoxNews.com (11 November 2002)
“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2003 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Knowing What's Nice", an essay from In These Times (2003)
“During the Vietnam War, which lasted longer than any war we've ever been in -- and which we lost -- every respectable artist in this country was against the war. It was like a laser beam. We were all aimed in the same direction. The power of this weapon turns out to be that of a custard pie dropped from a stepladder six feet high.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2003 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Vonnegut at 80" Interview with David Hoppe Alternet (2003)
“[Variation of the same quote:] When it became obvious what a dumb and cruel and spiritually and financially and militarily ruinous mistake our war in Vietnam was, every artist worth a damn in this country, every serious writer, painter, stand-up comedian, musician, actor and actress, you name it, came out against the thing. We formed what might be described as a laser beam of protest, with everybody aimed in the same direction, focused and intense. This weapon proved to have the power of a banana-cream pie three feet in diameter when dropped from a stepladder five-feet high.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2003 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Kurt Vonnegut vs. the !&#*!@" Interview with Joel Bleifuss, In These Times (January 27, 2003)
“We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On humans, interviewed by Jon Stewart, The Daily Show (13 September 2005)
“I have wanted to give Iraq a lesson in democracy — because we're experienced with it, you know. And, in democracy, after a hundred years, you have to let your slaves go. And, after a hundred and fifty years, you have to let your women vote. And, at the beginning of democracy, is that quite a bit of genocide and ethnic cleansing is quite okay. And that's what's going on now.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interviewed by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show (13 September 2005)
“I do feel that evolution is being controlled by some sort of divine engineer. I can't help thinking that. And this engineer knows exactly what he or she is doing and why, and where evolution is headed. That's why we've got giraffes and hippopotami and the clap.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On evolution vs. "intelligent design", interviewed by Jon Stewart, The Daily Show (13 September 2005)
“Where is home? I've wondered where home is, and I realized, it's not Mars or someplace like that, it's Indianapolis when I was nine years old. I had a brother and a sister, a cat and a dog, and a mother and a father and uncles and aunts. And there's no way I can get there again.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2005 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "The World according to Kurt" in Globe and Mail [Toronto] (11 October 2005)
“Well, I just want to say that George W. Bush is the syphilis president.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "Kurt Vonnegut's 'Stardust Memory'", Harvey Wasserman, The Free Press (4 March 2006)
“The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in "Kurt Vonnegut's 'Stardust Memory'" by Harvey Wasserman in The Free Press (4 March 2006); in actuality, Hitler also wasn't elected by a clear majority vote. Although the Nazi Party was elected to the larges…
“I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interview, Public Radio International (October 2006)
“People hate it when they're tickled because laughter is not pleasant, if it goes on too long. I think it's a desperate sort of convulsion in desperate circumstances, which helps a little.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2006 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interview, Public Radio International (October 2006)
“My theory is that all women have hydrofluoric acid bottled up inside.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) first seen 2007 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On difficulties with women, as quoted in "Kurt Vonnegut, Writer of Classics of the American Counterculture, Dies at 84" by Dinitia Smith in The New York Times (11 April 2007)
“During the war, in hundreds of Iliums over America, managers and engineers learned to get along without their men and women, who went to fight. It was the miracle that won the war — production with almost no manpower. In the patois of the north side of the river, it was the know-how that won the war. Democracy owed its life to know-how.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Anita had the mechanics of marriage down pat, even to the subtlest conventions. If her approach was disturbingly rational, systematic, she was thorough enough to turn out a credible counterfeit of warmth.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It was an appalling thought, to be so well-integrated into the machinery of society and history as to be able to move in only one plane, and along one line.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“When Paul thought about his effortless rise in the hierarchy, he sometimes, as now, felt sheepish, like a charlatan. He could handle his assignments all right, but he didn't have what his father had, what Kroner had, what Shepherd had, what so many had: the sense of spiritual importance in what they were doing; the ability to be moved emotionally, almost like a lover, by the great omnipresent and omniscient spook, the corporate personality. In short, what Paul missed was what made his father aggressive and great: the capacity to really give a damn.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You think I'm insane?" said Finnerty. Apparently he wanted more of a reaction than Paul had given him. "You're still in touch. I guess that's the test." "Barely — barely." "A psychiatrist could help. There's a good man in Albany." Finnerty shook his head. "He'd pull me back into the center, and I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center." He nodded, "Big, undreamed-of things — the people on the edge see them first.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I figured things would be better in Washington, that I'd find a lot of people I admired and belonged with. Washington is worse, Paul—Ilium to the tenth power. Stupid, arrogant, self-congratulatory, unimaginative, humorless men. And the women, Paul—the dull wives feeding on the power and glory of their husbands.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You know, in a way I wish I hadn't met you two. It's much more convenient to think of the opposition as a nice homogeneous, dead-wrong mass. Now I've got to muddy my thinking with exceptions.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“These displaced people need something, and the clergy can't give it to them—or it's impossible for them to take what the clergy offers. The clergy says it's enough, and so does the Bible. The people say it isn't enough, and I suspect they're right.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Strange business," said Lasher. "This crusading spirit of the managers and engineers, the idea of designing and manufacturing and distributing being sort of a holy war: all that folklore was cooked up by public relations and advertising men hired by managers and engineers to make big business popular in the old days, which it certainly wasn't in the beginning. Now, the engineers and managers believe with all their hearts the glorious things their forebears hired people to say about them. Yesterday's snow job becomes today's sermon.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Doctor Paul Proteus, son of a successful man, himself rich with prospects of being richer, counted his material blessings. He found that he was in excellent shape to afford integrity.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In order to get what we've got, Anita, we have, in effect, traded these people out of what was the most important thing on earth to them — the feeling of being needed and useful, the foundation of self-respect.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The band at the far end of the hall, amplified to the din of an elephant charge, smashed and hewed at the tune as though in a holy war against silence.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“This silly playlet seemed to satisfy them completely as a picture of what they were doing, why they were doing it, and who was against them, and why some people were against them. It was a beautifully simple picture these procession leaders had. It was as though a navigator, in order to free his mind of worries, had erased all the reefs from his maps.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Everybody's shaking in his boots, so don't be bluffed.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Almost nobody's competent, Paul. It's enough to make you cry to see how bad most people are at their jobs. If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“And as Paul said these things to himself, a wave of sadness washed over them as though they'd been written in sand. He was understanding now that no man could live without roots—roots in a patch of desert, a red clay field, a mountain slope, a rocky coast, a city street. In black loan, in mud or sand or rock or asphalt or carpet, every man had his roots down deep—in home.”
Kurt Vonnegut (1922–2007) said by 2007 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source