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Katt Williams
12 quotes
“We got our soldiers fighting gangsta niggas. Them terrorists is gangsta. How the fuck you gonna scare somebody that wanna die? Like: "I'll kill your mothafuckin ass." "Thank you very much." What the fuck? Ask any nigga who ever fought a crackhead. I don't give a fuck how good you think you can fight. You cannot beat a crackhead, nigga, you...[hits self with microphone, imitating a crackhead falling, gets right back up immediately] Crackheads wobble, but they don't fall down. Them mothafuckas'll fight you all night for $11.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You don't believe our government gangsta? Tell me what the Iraqi uniform look like. [short pause] Don't worry, I'll wait. We ain't killin' they army nigga, we killin' them. We over there killin' niggas in tank tops, sweatpants, flip-flops and a cowboy hat. You shouldn't have been talkin' shit.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Never in the history of niggadom...”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm used to smoking some weed and getting the munchies. This nigga sold me some shit, had me looking at the refrigerator for three hours. I'm just in the kitchen, sitting on the stove, just... [Sits on stool, blanking staring]... I bet you there ain't shit in there, nigga. I bet you...”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You done got with us niggas--now you talking about, "You fucked up my self-esteem." Bitch, it's called SELF esteem! It's esteem of your mother-fuckin' SELF, Bitch!”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Long as you been living, you ain't NEVER heard of a mother-fucker overdosin' on marijuana. You might-a thought that nigga was dead. He ain't dead. He gonna wake up in 30 minutes hungry enough to eat up everything in your house. That's the side effects: hungry, happy, sleepy." That's it.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Many times I been arrested, that might be the only thing I haven't tried. Stay tuned to TMZ. If I get pulled over one more motherfucking time, that's how the fuck I'm getting out of my car, just, "No, no, no. We already did this shit." Just saying, all got to be able to laugh.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Those mothafuckas is gangstas. They don't be bluffin' neither. We be thinkin' they bluffin', they won't be bluffin'. They'll be right there on National TV just... [in a stereotypical Iraqi accent] "If you are not do, what we are for say to do, tomorrow at Twelve o'clock, we're going to cut off his head." We be at the house like, [takes puff of blunt] "That's some bullshit, ain't nobody gonna cut off a mothafuckin head on National TV." Very next day at 11:59 they just" [covers the lower half of his face with his jacket, looks at the watch and knocks the mic-stand over as if beheading someone]. We be like "Shit! Play it again, play it again! SHIT!" Them mothafuckas, we can't be bullshiting with them. We gotta get our soldiers away from them mothafuckas.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“[Referring to marijuana dealers] Just soon they see you, just, "Nigga, nigga, nigga...nigga. You remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. It's nothing, nigga. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit, nigga! This shit here, nigga!" Always has some fucked up name. "It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!" Always has some fucked up ass name. "Nigga, this shit here, nigga. This shit here, nigga. This shit's called Deaf, nigga." You be like, "Nigga, that don't even sound attractive. What the...You mean I'm gonna hit it and die, nigga? Is that what..." "No nigga, not Death, nigga, Deaf. You hit this shit twice, nigga, you can't hear shit!”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My favorite show for two years in a motherfucking row is still motherfucking "Swamp People". That is my shit! Oh, my God! If you have not seen this shit, you have not lived yet! It's some beautiful shit! I think I just like seeing minor... rednecks in their natural environment, not killing minorities. I think that's what it is. I love this shit. I watch every episode, but I don't know why, because every episode is exactly... [audience yells; "the same!"] ...like the last goddamn episode. They don't change shit. Every episode start with a man in a boat going nowhere fast as shit. He just... And he's saying some shit you can't fucking understand. And then you accidentally understand some of the shit, and it scares the shit out of you. He just... "We got to go out there and get him, boy. We got to go out there and get him, boy. We don't go out there and get him, he ain't going to get hisself." "Nah, I guess he ain't going to get hisself. I guess that makes perfectly good sense." And these white men get out there in that swamp, and they are catching 700-, 800-pound alligators. And that's not the part, minorities. They are catching these alligators with their hands! That's right. Look at the niggas. Don't even believe me. With their real hands. Not a weapon. Not a stick. None of that. Stick their real hands in the water to get the alligator. Black people is at the house, like, "Don't stick your hand in there! There's an alligator in that son of a bitch." But when you see... you see that white man reach up out that motherfucking boat, grab that motherfucking alligator line, the whole show, just... [repeatedly] "shoot him, Billy Bob, shoot him! Shoot..." Then the whole show just flips. Now they showing it from underwater, and it's muddy and bubbling and shit, like the alligator has a camera on his head. And he's in the show too. And then they cut to commercial.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Every time, I say, "I will not be here when you get back." Just saying, we all need to be able to laugh. So for my white friends, here's something black you can laugh at. I've done the research. I'm pretty sure there's no coonery in there anywhere. I just know every time I see the shit, I fall on the ground laughing, almost pee myself. Okay, may be the funniest shit I ever seen. There is a commercial starring a nigga named Mutombo. Now... if you have not seen this commercial, you have not lived yet. Yet me say that. Now, if you don't know who Mutombo is, he used to play basketball, played for the NBA, maybe, like, in 1979 or some shit like that, but he was one of the greatest, known for blocking shots. That was his shit. Now they got this nigga just randomly running through white people's workplace, just randomly knocking shit out the air for no reason at all. Just, "No, no, no." What the fuck is that shit? "No, no, no." Every time I see that shit, I almost pee myself.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Motherfuckers thought that because I was raised homophobic, that might have meant I was homophobic. Wait a minute, motherfucker. Don't speak for me. I could tell you how the fuck I feel. Just 'cause I got an opinion don't mean shit. At the end of the motherfucking day, I thought we was talking about rights, and I thought they was human rights. I think they human rights, so if you a human, you deserve your motherfucking rights. The reason for that is I don't give a fuck what you are doing in your life, 'cause I'm too busy doing what the fuck I'm doing in my life. End quote. Yes, yes. Now, now, people thought that because I might have an opinion, that meant I was homophobic. No, no, no, no. Let me say... let me say publicly... let me say very publicly if there was a dude and I had some shit to say, that's not because I was homophobic, motherfucker! I'm not homophobic! I'm pro-pussy! There is a difference. I think you need to understand, I... I was trying to help. I wasn't coming from a place of hate. I thought some of them had made a mistake. I'm saying, if you try a vagina and it leads you to a life of asshole, wait a minute. If at first you don't succeed, sir, try, try again. What the... you must have got the wrong vagina. They are delicious. You should try another one. All of them are delicious, I think. But I realized... I realized it was a contradiction... because if you ask me about gay dudes, I have some shit to say, but if you ask me about lesbians, I don't have shit to say about lesbians. I've already had this conversation with Jesus. He know I love lesbians. I don't even think lesbians should pay taxes. I really don't. I think they are already taking care of two vaginas. Just saying. We can't afford to be judging all the time. Our life is too motherfucking hard as it is. You got to be able to just laugh some shit the fuck off. I just don't like when they try to force shit down our throats.”
Katt Williams (born 1973) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source