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Judith Sheindlin

46 quotes

“said on nearly every episode, when interrupted by a litigant: I'm speaking!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a defendant's witness wearing a T-shirt reading "BEER EQUALS FUN": Mr. Gordon, that's a ridiculous shirt that you chose to wear to court today. ... I don't know what kind of statement you thought you were making, but if you wanted to leave the impression on this piece of tape that you're going to have on posterity for your children that you are an intelligent, thinking person, that shirt you're wearing belies that fact.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Yep" is not an answer!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You're going to keep your mouth shut until I come to you and ask you a question, then you're going to speak; otherwise Byrd will take you outside until you understand the rules, 'cause here, I'm in charge.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. If you lie, you're always tripping over your own tie. ("If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" - Mark Twain)”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a defendant raising his hand to speak while plaintiff is speaking: You wanna lose, fast?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Why don't you SHUT UP and listen?!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a defendant who called the plaintiff a "witch" after the judge ruled in the plaintiff's favor: You gotta learn to behave yourself, madam. I have a feeling you have a pretty hot temper - not as hot as mine. That's all - out!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You're irritating me. It's not a good thing to start off by irritating the person who's supposed to decide your case.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“after someone in audience applauds, causing plaintiff to burst into tears: If there's any more noise from our gallery, you're gonna leave. Got it?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Did that sound like a rhetorical question? It wasn't. I want you to answer it, capisce? Now, THAT was a rhetorical question! See the difference?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“PUT YOUR HAND DOWN!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There's just one person who's allowed to ask, or answer, rhetorical questions in my courtroom -- and that's me! Understand? No, don't answer! There you go again.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I want you to stop getting hysterical over NOTHING!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Whoever you think you are, you do not talk to me that way. Not ever. I am not your daughter. How you speak to your own child in your own house is your own business. You can make her cry for all I care; she's your kid, not mine. But that's her, it isn't me. Or can't you tell the two of us apart? Because if you can't, then you've got a far more serious problem than the one that brought you here today. That bigger problem is Byrd.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a defendant's witness wearing torn jeans: I'm looking in your direction trying to figure out whether you accidentally tripped on your way coming into court today, or whether you selected those pants because you thought that they were attractive.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I'm not 25, and I'm not 5'8". But I know when someone is pulling my leg.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Let me tell you something. This is my playpen, and I get the last word.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I mean, did you think I was just a fake person here, that they picked out of, you know, that they picked out of a supermarket? Didn't you think that I had any legal experience at all, sir?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Mr. Britton, don't be a wise guy, because I'm gonna mop up the floor with you if you're a wise guy to me. This is my playpen, not yours.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(To a law student) Does the word "shyster" mean anything to you?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(To a football player) If you lie to me, I'll mop the floor with you worse than anyone who's ever tackled you.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“(To a legal intern) Would you mind telling me who you blackmailed, bribed, or slept with to get that diploma? I'd like to mail them a sympathy card.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“...Did you just call me Nurse Ratched!? Byrd. Get rid of him. Now.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If I could fine you for stupid, I would fine you for stupid.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Let me explain something to you, Fresh Mouth: I'm the only one who makes jokes.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a defendant who claimed he was receiving Worker's Compensation for a bad knee: Well, what did you think you were going to do for UPS, deliver babies?”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“after throwing the defendant and his witness out of the courtroom: I have other things to do today. I have to get home! [points to her wristwatch] JUDGE JUDY IS ON!!! [audience laughs]”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Don't be a wise guy in here, sir. There's only one wise person in here - and that's Byrd.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Try not to be too nervous. I only digest litigants on Thursday.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't know why a 57-year-old man would loan an 18-year-old cashier at Whole Foods $250. I don't know why a man would do that. But I can tell you one thing: my husband's not going to Whole Foods anymore.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Your lawsuit is such a crock of baloney.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“NO it wasn't a gift, you FOOL!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh, sit down! You're as dumb as he is!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You pulled out a gun, and you shot the gun over FLOWERS! Are you a MORON?!! ... You should be hiding under a rock, not acting as plaintiff in a lawsuit!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a young woman who was being sued by her aunt for a loan for breast augmentation: And instead of her paying it back every month, you should pay it back every month - certainly you don't go in and get bigger breasts while somebody is sitting there paying back money that they "gave" to you during the course of an emergency! And I don't care if she's harassing you and your family, because quite frankly, you deserve to be harassed! Judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $3500, that's all.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a young woman suing a former friend for a broken toilet: The toilet broke while she was using it - that doesn't mean that she broke it, and it doesn't mean that she's responsible for it! Toilets break - I had one just break in my apartment last week! Cost me $650 to put in a new toilet! You think I went around to try to find the last person who sat on it? [audience breaks into laughter] Don't be STUPID! GROW UP! That's all.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a mother who moved her daughter across the country so that the girl's father couldn't see her, because her fiancee was offered a new job: I don't care whether your fiancee was elected President of the United States! You have no right to move your child across the country without [the father's] permission!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Consider yourself having been reasonably humiliated in front of ten million people. Now, without saying another word, turn around, and find the exit. Goodbye.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't care whether you had a 30-day notice, a 3-day notice, or a partridge in a pear tree!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You say no, I say yes; I win, I'm the judge. Goodbye.”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't care about your stress! You should care about my stress; I'm older than you are! (25 Aug 2016 show)”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“to a mother of three suing the defendant for an assault: You don't belong out at a club [at] 12:30 at night when you have a one-year-old, a two-year-old, a five-year-old and a 12-year-old! You belong HOME, reading them stories from a BOOK!”
Judith Sheindlin (born 1942) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source