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Jasper Fforde
114 quotes
“Edward, Edward," he said with a patronising smile, "there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) first seen 2010 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Shades of Grey (2010), p. 206
“Like any other big government department, it looks good on paper but is an utter shambles. Petty infighting and political agendas, arrogance and sheer bloody-mindedness almost guarantees that the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It was a coincidence.” “I don’t believe in coincidences.” “Neither do I. That’s a coincidence, isn’t it?”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Don’t ever call me mad, Mycroft. I’m not mad. I’m just...well, differently moraled, that’s all.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“James Crometty!” demanded Bowden. “Did you kill him?” “I kill a lot of people,” whispered Felix7. “I don’t remember names.” “You shot him six times in the face.” The dying killer smiled. “That I remember.” “Six times! Why?” Felix7 frowned and started to shiver. “Six was all I had,” he answered simply.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Haven’t I seen your face somewhere else?” “No, it’s always been right here on the front of my head.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It’s easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it.” “And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night?”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The industrial age had only just begun; the planet had reached its Best Before date.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You’ve got a face longer than a Dickens novel.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I could almost see common sense and denial fighting away at each other within her. In the end, denial won, as it so often does.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My father told me that for the most part coincidences could be safely ignored: they were merely that chance discovery of one pertinent fact from a million or so possible daily interconnections. “Stop a stranger in the street,” he would say, “and delve into each other’s past. Pretty soon an astounding-too-amazing-to-be-chance coincidence will appear.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“He said you were very dangerous.” “No more dangerous than anyone else who dares to speak the truth.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Well,” he said thoughtfully, “it is my considered opinion that most coincidences are simply quirks of chance—if you extrapolate the bell curve of probability you will find statistical abnormalities that seem unusual but are, in actual fact, quite likely, given the amount of people on the planet and the amount of different things we do in our lives.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Marriage, like spinach and opera, was something I had never thought I would like.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It wasn’t going to be hard—it was going to be impossible. It wouldn’t deter me. I’d done impossible things several times in the past, and the prospect didn’t scare me as much as it used to.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Do you know what the worst bit about dying is?” “Tell me, Gran.” “You never get to see how it all turns out.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Mr. McGregor’s a nasty piece of work, isn’t he? Quite the Darth Vader of children’s literature.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My father said it was a delightfully odd—and dangerously self-destructive—quirk of humans that we were far more interested in pointless trivia then in genuine news stories.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“You’re crazy!” “Undoubtedly. But look around you. You followed me in here. Who’s crazier? The crazy or the crazy who follows him?”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Don’t believe this,” murmured Miss Havisham. “It’s all poppycock. Her majesty is a verb short of a sentence.”
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“I’ll tell you what love is,” I told her. “It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your heart and soul to the smiter!”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“And nothing can stop it?” “Nothing I know of,” he replied sadly. “The best way to stop this is to not allow it to start—sort of a minimum entry requirement for man-made disasters, really.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Write is only the word we use to describe the recording process,” replied Snell as we walked along. “The Well of Lost Plots is where we interface the writer’s imagination with the characters and plots so that it will make sense in the reader’s mind. After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer’s breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer—perhaps more.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Books”—Snell smiled—“are a kind of magic.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The atmosphere in the room was so thick with dramatic clichés you could have cut it with a knife.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corruption and error hardwired at inception.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The leader was identified by his dental records—why he had them on him, no one was quite sure.”
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“Preservation without expenditure is worthless.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Failure concentrates the mind wonderfully. If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not trying hard enough.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Tyrants are all the same—shocking temper when they don’t get their own way!”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Hamlet would worry about having nothing to worry about if he had nothing to worry about.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Good evening and welcome to Evade the Question Time, the nation’s premier topical talk show. Tonight, as every night, a panel of distinguished public figures generally evade answering the audience’s questions and instead toe the party line.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Money had never been a problem in the Book World. All the details of life were taken care of by something called Narrative Assumption. A reader would assume you had gone shopping, or gone to the toilet, or brushed your hair, so a writer never needed to outline it.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction—and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“My father always argued that time was far and away the most valuable commodity we had and that temporal profligacy should be a criminal offense—which kind of makes watching Celebrity Kidney Swap or reading Daphne Farquitt novels a crime straightaway.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Look here, St. Zvlkx,” said Volescamper as they walked towards the marquee for tea and scones, “what was the thirteenth century like?” “The Mayor wants to know what the thirteenth century was like—and no lip, sunshine.” “Filthy, damp, disease-ridden and pestilential.” “He said it was like London, Your Grace.”
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“Humans are molded by evolution to be short-termists, Miss Next,” he continued. His voice rumbled deeply and seemed to echo inside my head. “We need only to see our children to reproductive age to be successful in a biological sense. We have to move beyond that. If we see ourselves as residents on this planet for the long term, we need to plan for the long term.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Whatever. As far as I can see, there is one state of dead and that’s ‘not living.’ Now, do you have anything useful to add to this investigation or not?”
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“The stupidity surplus,” repeated Landen as he sat down at the kitchen table, “I’m all for responsible government, but storing it up like this is bound to cause problems sooner or later—even by acting sensibly, the government has shown itself to be a bunch of idiots.” “There are a lot of idiots in this country,” I replied absently, “and they deserve representation as much as the next man.”
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“How about this for a title: Men Are from Earth, Women Are from Earth—Just Deal with It.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Tell them ballocks.” “They’ll pay me five hundred guineas.” “Cancel the ballocks thing—tell them you’ll be honored and overjoyed.” “It’s a sellout. I don’t do sellouts. Not for that price anyway.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The first four in the series had been less a lighthearted chronicling of my adventures and more of a “Dirty Harry meets Fanny Hill,” but with a good deal more sex and violence.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Oh!” said Landen, reading a letter. “A rejection from my publisher. They didn’t think Fatal Parachuting Mistakes and How to Avoid Making Them Again was what they had in mind for self-help.” “I guess their target audience doesn’t include dead people.” “You could be right.”
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“How is the book going?” I asked returning to my knitting. “The self-help stuff?” “The magnum opus.” Landen looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, “More opus than magnum. I’m trying to figure out whether the lack of progress is writer’s block, procrastination, idleness or just plain incompetence.”
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“I just had an idea for a cheap form of power: by bringing pasta and antipasta together, we could be looking at the utter annihilation of ravioli and liberation of vast quantities of energy.”
Jasper Fforde (born 1961) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I am surprised to see you because…you died six years ago!” “I did?” inquired Mycroft with genuine concern. “Why does no one tell me these things?” I shrugged, as there was really no good answer to this.”
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“Dead,” muttered Mycroft with a resigned air. “Never been that before. Not even once. Are you quite sure?”
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“Listen to what it says in the horoscopes: ‘If it is your birthday, there may be an increased amount of mail. Expect gifts, friendly salutations from people and the occasional surprise. Possibility of cake.’ That’s so weird—I wonder if any of it will come true?”
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“I’d come to realize over the years that anything created by mankind had error, mischief and bureaucratic officialdom hardwired at inception, and the fictional world was no different.”
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