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Jane Wagner

24 quotes

• “Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it....”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “When you're dancing the mystical dance of the molecules, you're not the one who's leading.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “All my life, I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “If I had known what it would be like to have it all... I might have been willing to settle for less.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Your problem is your role models were models.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “I swear people don't want sex so much as they want somebody who'll listen to 'em … the first thing you learn after fellatio is how to listen.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Remember we're all in this alone.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “For fast acting relief, try slowing down.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “The best mind-altering drug is truth.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin

• “Interviewer: You once said you had a drug problem... Lily: Yeah, I still do. It's so hard to find good grass these days.”

  Jane Wagner (born 1935) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source

  Also quoted by: Lily Tomlin