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J. B. Morton
8 quotes
“One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1931 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: By the Way (1931), p. 282
“Hush, hush, Nobody cares! Has Fallen Down- Stairs.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1931 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: By the Way (1931), p. 367
“Dr. Strabismus (Whom God Preserve) of Utrecht has patented a new invention. It is an illuminated trouser-clip for bicyclists who are using main roads at night.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1933 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Morton's Folly (1933), p. 99
“Rush hour: that hour when traffic is almost at a standstill.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1933 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Morton's Folly (1933)
“The Doctor is said also to have invented an extraordinary weapon which will make war less brutal. It is described as a very powerful liquid which rots braces at a distance of a mile.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1936 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Gallimaufry (1936), "Bracerot
“The man with the false nose had gone to that bourne from which no hollingsworth returns.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1936 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Gallimaufry (1936), "Another True Story
“Erratum. In my article on the price of milk, 'horses' should have read 'cows' throughout.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1937 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Through Borneo (1937)
“Mr. Justice Cocklecarrot began the hearing of a very curious case yesterday. A Mrs. Tasker is accused of continually ringing the doorbell of a Mrs. Renton, and then, when the door is opened, pushing a dozen red-bearded dwarfs into the hall and leaving them there.”
J. B. Morton (1893–1979) first seen 1938 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Diet of Thistles (1938), pt. 7