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Groucho Marx
17 quotes
“A likely story — and probably true.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1949 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Al Jolson Show repartee following a trite, scripted Al Jolson joke. (1949)
“Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1959 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: From his autobiography Groucho and Me (1959)
“I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1959 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321
“[Variant:] "Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1967 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in The Groucho Letters (1967) edited by Arthur Sheekman (uncredited). The sentiment predates Marx by 61 years, however; it likely originated with John Galsworthy in The Forsyte Saga. In Part I, Chapter II, "Ol…
“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1665 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: From his book Groucho and Me. It is a variation of a maxim by 17th-century French nobleman François de La Rochefoucauld: "In the adversity of our best friends, we often find something that is not displeasing." (Maxim 99…
“Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet! (Variation on an old Royal Navy wardroom toast: "Wives and Sweethearts! May they never meet!")”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) said by 1977 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1929 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: To S. J. Perelman about his book Dawn Ginsbergh’s Revenge (1929), as quoted in LIFE (9 February 1962)
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1964 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Quote by Leo Rosten in The Many Worlds of Leo Rosten (1964)
“They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1972 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: On Woody Allen, in an interview with Roger Ebert in Esquire magazine (7 March 1972)
“I got $25 from Reader's Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: "I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally"? I never said that.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1972 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Interview with Roger Ebert in Esquire magazine (7 March 1972); see Snopes.com: "I Love My Cigar
“I like pancakes, but I haven't got a closet full of them!”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) said by 1977 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I did a bond tour during the Second World War... We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St.Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities." I didn't sell any more bonds, but eh... they didn't allow me to appear anymore.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1972 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Recounting a War Bonds tour in his Carnegie Hall appearance (6 May 1972)
“My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1972 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) the recording of his appearance at Carnegie Hall.
“Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1976 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: The Groucho Phile (1976), p. 308
“I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) said by 1977 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: As quoted in Halliwell’s Filmgoer’s Companion (1984) by Leslie Halliwell
“To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) said by 1977 at the latest wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Just after completing his second autobiography, as quoted in The Marx Brothers: A Bio-bibliography (1987) by Wes D. Gehring, p. 137
“Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!”
Groucho Marx (1890–1977) first seen 1865 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: Lord Palmerston had similar last words in 1865: "Die, my dear doctor! That's the last thing I shall do!