Famous quotes
Quotes by famous people, credited to who said them. Your own quotes must not match any of these. More are added all the time. 1,158,269 quotes Who coined it · How we decide
EnglishItalianoPolskiעבריתFrançaisPortuguêsفارسیEspañol中文РусскийDeutschالعربيةहिन्दी日本語ΕλληνικάLatina
Daniel Handler
163 quotes
“It is useless to for me to describe to know how terrible Violet, Klaus and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. You can look at a painting for the first time for example, and not like it at all, but after looking at it a little longer you may find it very please. The first time you try Gorgonzola cheese you may find it too strong, but when you are older you may want to eat nothing but Gorgonzola cheese. Klaus, when Sunny was born, did not like her at all, but by the time she was six weeks old the two of them were as thick as thieves. Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening. If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“With the cloth off its cage, the snake began to uncoil itself and slither around its home.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Violet: You are being unbearable, with a U!”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it. -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Aunt Josephine: "Oh, I could never sell this house. I'm terrified of realtors.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Mr Poe: "I think you children will have a good home here. I hope you do, anyway, because I've just received a promotion at Mulctuary Money Management. I'm now the Vice President in Charge of Coins, and from now on I will be busier than ever. If anything goes wrong with you here, I will have to send you to boarding school until I have time to find you another home, so please be on your best behavior.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“As I'm sure you know, whenever there is a mirror around, it is almost impossible not to take a look at yourself. Even though we all know what we look like, we all like just to look at our reflections, if only to see how we're doing. -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is 'Never break into someone else's house." The moral of "Snow White" is "Never eat apples." The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand". -Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Violet: You’d better get to bed, Klaus. Follow me.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Get out of my way, you cakesniffers! -Carmelita Spats”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Klaus: Maybe I don't know what "cakesniffer" means, but I think I can translate our new school's motto... If I'm not mistaken, "Memento Mori" means "Remember you will die".”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Shyness is a very curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people are any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“For Beatrice--When we met, my life began. Soon afterward, yours ended”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of ‘systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, Syst-susceptible sister,’ which is easier done than said. - Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. - Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In this large and fierce world of ours, there are many, many unpleasant places to be. You can be in a river swarming with angry electric eels, or in a supermarket filled with vicious long-distance runners. You can be in a hotel that has no room service, or you can be lost in a forest that is slowly filling up with water. You can be in a hornet's nest or in an abandoned airport or the office of a pediatric surgeon, but one of the most unpleasant things that can happen is to find yourself in a quandary. - Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“A cloud of dust is not a beautiful thing to look at. Very few painters have done portraits of huge clouds of dust or included them in their landscapes or still life. Film directors rarely choose huge clouds of dust to play the lead roles in romantic comedies, and as far as my research has shown, a huge cloud of dust has never placed higher than twenty-fifth in a beauty pageant. - Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“For Beatrice--Summers without you are as cold as winter. Winters without you are even colder.-Lemony Snicket”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like all fairy tales, the story of Sleeping Beauty begins with "Once upon a time," and continues with a foolish young princess who makes a witch very angry, and then takes a nap until her boyfriend wakes her up with a kiss and insists on getting married, at which point the story ends with the phrase "happily ever after.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There are many things in this world I do not know. I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings. I do not know why anyone would boil vegetables when roasting them is much tastier. I do not know how to make olive oil, and I do not know why dogs bark before an earthquake, and I do not know why some people voluntarily choose to climb mountains where it is freezing and difficult to breathe or live in the suburbs, where the coffee is watery and all of the houses look alike.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Because of the information discussed on page nine, experts now suspect that there may in fact be one survivor of the fire, but the survivor's whereabouts are unknown.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“As the official representative of Lemony Snicket in all legal, literary, and social matters, I am often asked difficult questions, even when I am in a hurry. Recently, the most common questions have been the following:”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. — The waiter at The Anxious Clown Restaurant”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Why do so many things end in fire?”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“What can be hidden in a book?”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“As the aphorism says, If you have to ask, you can't afford it.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“For Beatrice— Our love broke my heart, and stopped yours.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The sad truth is that the truth is sad.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“It's hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from, or how often they should appear.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The story of the Baudelaires does not take place in a fictional land where lollipops grow on trees and singing mice do all of the chores. The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the sinister mystery that surrounds them...”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“With the Baudelaire orphans, it was as if their grief were a very heavy object that they each took turns carrying so that they would not all be crying at once, but sometimes the object was too heavy for one of them to move without weeping, so Violet and Sunny stood next to Klaus, reminding him that this was something they could all carry together until at last, they found a safe place to lay it down.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“If I close my eyes, as the Baudelaire orphans closed their eyes as they stumbled away from this unfortunate event, I can imagine that the fan belt, like the bald man and my former associate Olivia, fell into the pit that Olaf and his henchmen had dug, and ended up in the belly of the beast.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The world is a harum-scarum place." "Harum?" Sunny asked. It's complicated and confusing," Olivia explained. They say that long ago it was simple and quiet, but that might be a legend.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like handshakes, house pets, or raw carrots, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up -- and down -- a range of strange and distressing mountains.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“With all due respect,”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Captain Widdershins: He who hesitates is lost!”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Violet said..."We've never known anyone who could remain so cheerful, no matter what terrible things occurred.”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“To tell you the truth, I sometimes find it a bit tiresome," Fiona said...”
Daniel Handler (born 1970) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source