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Craig Ferguson
85 quotes
“By the way, _____ was the name of a movie I accidentally watched in a hotel room twenty or thirty times.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my filthy pigeons.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my naughty monkeys. [whipcrack]”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my naughty donkeys.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my naughty penguins.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back, my frisky badgers”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Welcome back to the big show where (at this point, he references something from earlier in the show)”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Do what you love, and what you're proud of, and you're fuckin' bulletproof. You're fuckin' bulletproof. If you do what you absolutely believe to be right, then you're fuckin' bulletproof.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of “what if” when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Change is the nature of God’s mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo-intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like most sharks, Margaret liked to think of herself as a victim of the cruel sea.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“High school is tough on anyone, an absolute rule of the Universe being that if high school is not a buttockclenchingly awkward, emotionally difficult, and unpleasant time of your life, then the rest of it will be a crushing disappointment. Academic success is desirable, popularity (the only thing that most students really desire) is not. Those who excel socially in high school are truly damned. The homecoming queen does indeed bear the mark of the beast.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Always laugh second.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Like many of her sex, Sophie was fiercely competitive with other women, working on the crackpot theory that if she could be better in some way, men would like her more, respect her. Make her happy. She never cottoned on that the men she was attracted to, the men who found her attractive, didn’t like women.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Time is only linear for engineers and referees.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Failure is not a disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one... My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don’t.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Sober alkies are often asked: “When did you hit rock bottom?” but a more informed question might be: “How many times did you hit rock bottom?”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“Between safety and adventure I choose adventure.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“America is, for me, an aspiration, a philosophy, a way of being, a dream.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“The trouble I have with astrophysics or quantum mechanics is the same problem I have with philosophy; which is: initially it is mind blowing, then it is fascinating, then it is disturbing, then it is almost uncomprehensible, then it's fascinating again, then you disappear up your own ass.”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
“In 1963 the BBC premiered a show about an alien Who traveled through space and time to combat the powers of evil. … The show has been running in Britain almost fifty years, with many different actors in the role of The Doctor. … One thing is consistent though and this is why the show is so beloved by geeks and nerds — It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism! Intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism! And if there is any hope for any of us in this giant explosion in which we inhabit then surely that’s it: Intellect and romance triumph over brute force and cynicism!”
Craig Ferguson (born 1962) first seen 2010 wikiquote, CC BY-SA 4.0 source
Recorded in: A comedic musical tribute to Doctor Who made in November 2010, which was not aired for legal reasons, but "leaked" to the internet, and finally aired with legal clearance on Late Late Show (6 January 2011) · Transcript …