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Andy Weir
30 quotes
“As you can see, this plan provides many opportunities for me to die in a fiery explosion.”
“You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”
“Amazingly, some of the bacteria survived. The population is strong and growing. That’s pretty impressive, when you consider it was exposed to near-vacuum and subarctic temperatures for over twenty-four hours. My guess is pockets of ice formed around some of the bacteria, leaving a bubble of survivable pressure inside, and the cold wasn’t quite enough to kill them. With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”
“It just goes to show,” Teddy said. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”
“But seeing his status doesn’t help,” Mindy said. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”
“Then I sat for a moment, dumbstruck that my plan had actually worked.”
“I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’.”
“As a chemist, Vogel knew how to make a bomb. In fact, much of his training was to avoid making them by mistake.”
“This allowed me to do what writers treasure more than anything else: catch the reader off-guard. There’s nothing better than knowing you’re going to outwit with the reader. And the type of people who read sci-fi are very difficult to outwit.”
“I don’t think there’s ever a good time for the sun to get dimmer.”
“You’re lying, insane, or a combination of the two.”
“Is this really necessary?” She pressed the intercom button. “There’s a very good chance the sample in that cylinder is an alien life-form. We’re not taking any chances.” “Wait…you’re not taking any chances. But I am!” “It’s not like that.” “How is it not like that?” She paused. “Okay, it’s exactly like that.”
“You guys know about climate change, right? How our CO2 emissions have caused a lot of problems in the environment?” “My dad says that’s not real,” said Tamora. “Well it is,” I said.”
“The kids stared at me, awestruck. Why had their parents not explained this to them? Probably because they didn’t understand it themselves. Besides, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.”
“Of course, I wired it backward at first and the LED didn’t light up. That’s pretty much a rule in electronics: you never get the diodes right on the first try.”
“Got to love computers. They do all the thinking for you so you don’t have to.”
“Another day, another staff meeting. Who would have thought saving the world could be so boring?”
“So, Dr. Leclerc,” Stratt said. “We’ve been getting a lot of conflicting reports on exactly what to expect from the reduction of solar energy. It’s hard to find any two climatologists who agree.” He shrugged. “It’s hard to find two climatologist to agree on the color of an orange. It is, unfortunately, an inexact field.”
“Humans,” Stratt said. “I want to know how this affects humans, and when. I don’t care about the mating grounds of the three-anused mud sloth or any other random biome.” “We’re part of the ecology, Ms. Stratt. We’re not outside it. The plants we eat, the animals we ranch, the air we breathe—it’s all part of the tapestry. It’s all connected. As the biomes collapse, it’ll have a direct impact on humanity.”
“He pursed his lips. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”
“You couldn’t fix it?” “Device not malfunction. Device broke. Fell off ship during trip. Device gone.” “Oh! Wow. Why did it break off?” He wiggles his carapace. “Not know. Many things break. My people make ship very hurry. No time to make sure all things were good.” Deadline-induced quality issues: a problem all over the galaxy.”
“I’m naming them after the Beatles. The British rock group.” “I take it you’re a fan?” He turned back to face me. “Fan? Oh, yes. I don’t want to exaggerate, but Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is the greatest musical accomplishment in the history of mankind. I know, I know. Many would disagree. But they’re wrong.”
“Science rule number 1: If something is changing unexpectedly, document it.”
“An Eridian body is a nearly impenetrable fortress. But a human body is more like a borderless police state.”
“This outfit would severely limit Rocky’s ability to move freely, but hey, fashion isn’t about comfort or convenience.”
“There will be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.”
“It takes a couple of hours, but I finally see results. They are exactly what I expected and the opposite of what I’d hoped.”
“I don’t need to reinvent the wheel. I just need to put it on a different car.”
“There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, there's just you and me." You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on earth…" "All you. Different incarnations of you." "Wait. I'm everyone!?" "Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. "I'm every human being who ever lived?" "Or who will ever live, yes." "I'm Abraham Lincoln?" "And you're John Wilkes Booth, too," I added. "I'm Hitler?" You said, appalled. "And you're the millions he killed." "I'm Jesus?" "And you're everyone who followed him." You fell silent. "Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
“People nowadays…they have no idea how good they have it. The past was unrelenting misery for most people. And the further back in time you go, the worse it was.” She stood and meandered around the room. “For fifty thousand years, right up to the industrial revolution, human civilization was about one thing and one thing only: food. Every culture that existed put most of their time, energy, manpower, and resources into food. Hunting it, gathering it, farming it, ranching it, storing it, distributing it…it was all about food…. The industrial revolution mechanized agriculture. Since then, we’ve been able to focus our energies on other things. But that’s only been the last two hundred years. Before that, most people spent most of their lives directly dealing with food production.”